Tom, we've missed you

As much fun as it has been making fun of Anthony Witrado, it's probably just as well that it's come to an end.  For one, there's not much left to be said --- his all-out attack on the English language and professional journalism, though entertaining, has been ridiculed pretty thoroughly, and there's just not that much material left unmined.  For two, his chat really wasn't that bad.  It was far from perfect --- most of his responses didn't require "insider access" as much as knowing how to use The Google --- but it was pretty in-depth, and I wasn't bothered by any of his responses (except for the feasibility of trading for Peavy at the deadline).  I know the bar is low, but it was one of the better JS Brewer chats I've seen.

Besides, now that we're getting closer to Opening Day, I think we have to get back to mocking Tom Haudricourt, the Adam West to Witrado's Burt Ward.  Fortunately, I think Tom is in midseason form already, thanks to the Peavy rumors.

As mentioned in this Fanpost, there is a wisp of a rumor going around that the Brewers are looking into trading for Jake Peavy.  The wisp is so flimsy that its only source might be an offhand comment by Bill Hall; however, thanks to that remark (and a poorly worded denial by Peavy's agent), you see it popping up in various locations on the internets, and each mention seems to add to the rumor's validity.

Enter Tom Haudricourt.

On Tuesday, Tom had this to say regarding the Peavy rumor:

It appears the rumors are starting to spread that the Brewers have interest in trading for San Diego ace Jake Peavy, so I just gave general manager Doug Melvin a call to see what was what.

Melvin assured me that those rumors are false, that he has not inquired with the Padres about Peavy.

"We haven't talked to them," said Melvin. "There's nothing to it."

...

So, I think everybody can calm down on the Peavy front.

Got it.  No Peavy.

However, a blog commenter to Tom's post says, in essence, that Melvin must be lying, because all of the other reports say that he HAS been in touch with San Diego about Peavy.  Enter Tom again:

Those of you who choose to believe Cauleys instead of Doug Melvin's blanket denial to me, live at your own peril. Like I said, Melvin has never denited a trade rumor to me that turned out to be true. NEVER.

Not sure how much clearer I can be.

OK.  Melvin not lying, no Peavy trade in the works, "denited" now a word.  I'm with you.

After two days of back and forth between the commenter and Tom...well, then it starts to get funny.  Tom H.:

It's madness. Sheer madness...
And, having said that, HERE IS MY PROMISE TO THE REST OF YOU (SANE) PEOPLE:
That's my last word on this Peavy nonsense. My very last word. I'm done. I've done my job and told you folks there's nothing to it. Over and out.

Roger that.  No more Tom H. on the Peavy rumors.  I'm taking it to the bank. Nothing more needs to be said.

Tom H. this morning:

Because I promised to write no further words about the ridiculous Jake Peavy rumors, I'll just provide this link for those interested.

...

And I'll pass along this bit of information that was not included in the mlb.com story to which I linked. Melvin was so upset about the baseless Peavy rumors that he called San Diego general manager Kevin Towers to let him know that the rumors weren't coming from the Brewers' end. I know that for a fact.

...

And, this time I absolutely promise, on a stack of bibles, that this is my last word on the Peavy rumors.

A stack of Bibles!  That's pretty serious.  OK.  No more Tom on the Peavy rumors.  [Makes "lips are zipped, throwing away the key" motion.]

Later this morning, from an intrepid reported we'll call Tom H.:

Axelrod: "I haven't been asked about the Brewers, although we've heard there was some interest before that didn't come to fruition."

...

Stop me if you've heard this before, but that's my last word on the subject.

This is comedy gold, folks.

There are two things I picked up from this whole exchange:

1.  The commenter in question (who goes by the name "cauleys")?  I guarantee that's Anthony Witrado.

2.  When Melvin called Kevin Towers, to explain that the rumors were not coming from his end, what are the chances that Melvin said something like, "Since I have you on the phone, what do you think about trading Peavy to Milwaukee..."

Over and out.