JS Online Silliness

by roguejim on Mar 5, 2009 1:26 AM CST Comment 21 comments

If you go to the Brewers section on the JS Online, you would be greeted with the following headline:

Injured Gwynn isn't hitting panic button - yet

followed by a big picture on Tony Gwynn shagging flies in centerfield.

At this point, you'd expect to find a couple sentences beneath the picture to lead you to the story --- presumably about how Tony Gwynn isn't panicking that Chris Duffy might beat him out of a job. Because, as we know from the big type, Gwynn isn't hitting the panic button.

But what if I told you that Anthony Witrado wrote the article? Would that change your opinion of what the next two sentences might say? Might they read, oh, I dunno:

Tony Gwynn Jr. made the kind of admission you rarely hear a professional athlete cop to. "I'm starting to panic," the Milwaukee Brewers centerfielder said. »Read Full Article

I love it. Two sentences in, and you're offering a simple, direct quote that completely refutes your big headline. I wonder if the next line from Tony wasn't "At least I'm not injured."

(To be fair, if you click the link and read the article, TG backs off of panicking to say that he's "extremely concerned." Still, that's some pretty inane reporting/headline writing.)

2 recs | Comment 21 comments

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I'd tend to forgive AW for the headline

Usually it isn’t the beat-writers that write the headlines, but someone else in copy editing or some such.

But I saw the same thing this morning, and I immediately looked for the by-line to find the expected name. It has become my knee-jerk reaction when I read something that seems a bit off.

It's called "playing the percentages."

by hilbelink on Mar 5, 2009 8:08 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Teh Brewerrs Can Haz?!11!

They no can has! In facts, they has injured team. Did you no about Braden Looper and his obligatousoid injuree? U hurd aboot Gynnws injurii?! I’m super serial! This team can’t has teh world in a series! I talks with Ken Macha, lol black belt, and he sed that the team would has if CC and Benny and Jenkins and Cal Eldred were herr. I then told hims about my wardrobes and bling!

Teh Brewas taik on Australian, the knew expansion team thats nobodee has hurd of before, later these afternoon. Some prospecs I never heerd befo will plai for Milwauki, and we dun even know wherr Austalia is let alon who’s on teh rubber today, lol rubber!1

PS. If youv seen a necklace that says number 1 stunna, plz send to email JSO-Witradowanami-BlingoCasino@gmail k thx lol

Anthony Witrado

(footnote. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was an article lost in editing some where.)

by Lavender on Mar 5, 2009 8:32 AM CST reply actions 7 recs

beautifully played

I think this may be giving birth to a new series in the vein of KSK’s emmitt Smiff posts.

I just sit back and root for the taser

by Hyatt on Mar 5, 2009 8:36 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

my favorite part

was the numba 1 stunna necklace. Thanks for getting me in trouble at work.

I just sit back and root for the taser

by Hyatt on Mar 5, 2009 8:37 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

can I get my friends' cats a press pass?

They both have publishing experience. One sits on our stack of collated apazines and the other crawls under the paper rack while we collate.

by morineko on Mar 5, 2009 11:43 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Super Serial

That’s what earned you the rec

by tcyoung on Mar 6, 2009 8:48 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Does he think

The Brewers must Masturbate the ball down the feel?

I just sit back and root for the taser

by Hyatt on Mar 7, 2009 10:20 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Anthony Witrado is a moron.

I still can’t really figure out exactly how he landed the gig that he did. I wonder if him and the Prince of Darkness get along.

by bklanecky on Mar 5, 2009 9:01 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Yes, because if I was to make a deal with the devil for something, it’d be to… be a brewers beat writer?

Ehh.. nsm.

by Mykenk on Mar 5, 2009 9:12 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I just assume he knows someone up at the top. Why else wouldn’t he have been fired for making a public ass of himself, consistently. That painstakingly horribly written bit I just wrote above is funny in the sense it’s like his actual work…..before an editor takes a look at it anyway.

by Lavender on Mar 5, 2009 9:15 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

It is "I wonder if he and the Prince… "

by ol Pete on Mar 5, 2009 10:21 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder how this site got a reputation for being so gosh darn nasty?!

Also, cheese.

by Jeff Sackmann on Mar 6, 2009 8:04 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Gwynn isn't hitting the panic button

He’s softly shunting it.

We've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

by drezdn on Mar 5, 2009 3:36 PM CST reply actions 1 recs

Check your spelling

W I T A R D O

by statsllc on Mar 5, 2009 4:52 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

What is your relation to Stats LLC?

by ol Pete on Mar 5, 2009 10:27 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

he works for them. it’s come up in, oh, about two dozen comments threads in the last year or so.

Also, cheese.

by Jeff Sackmann on Mar 6, 2009 8:05 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

In what capacity?

by ol Pete on Mar 6, 2009 9:56 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

sounds like something I should let him disclose if he wants to.

Also, cheese.

by Jeff Sackmann on Mar 6, 2009 10:29 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Witrado's existence

is to solely make T.H. look better

I untuck my shirt!

by Michael M on Mar 6, 2009 1:01 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Maybe they're the same person!

Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jive!

"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"

by roguejim on Mar 6, 2009 2:46 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Can we file this under LOLTardo?

I just sit back and root for the taser

by Hyatt on Mar 6, 2009 10:16 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

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