Baseball Explained
Here are the five Brewer starters, in order of last year's ERA:
- Yovani Gallardo, 1.88
- Braden Looper, 4.16
- Dave Bush, 4.18
- Manny Parra, 4.39
- Jeff Suppan, 4.96
You might categorize these five as one really good pitcher, three good ones, and one, erm, not so good one. In fact, in predicting their effectiveness for 2009, we'd expect Gallardo on top and Suppan on the bottom, and the three in the middle could appear in any order.
Now, let's rate them differently --- let's rate them by how metrically symmetrical their first and last names are. (By meter, I mean number of syllables, where the accents are, etc. --- the "meter" in "iambic pentameter.") We'll also group them by complexity, assuming that names with 3+ syllables are rarer than names with 1-2 syllables.
- Yovani Gallardo: 3 syllables each, metrically symmetrical
- Braden Looper: 1-2 syllables each, metrically symmetrical
- Dave Bush, 1-2 syllables each, metrically symmetrical
- Manny Parra, 1-2 syllables each, metrically symmetrical
- Jeff Suppan, metrically asymmetrical
As we can see, pitchers whose names are metrically symmetrical (e.g., Roger Clemens, Randy Johnson) are categorically better than pitchers whose names are asymmetrical (e.g., Ruben Quevedo). Moreover, the more syllables you have in your metrically symmetrical name, the better a pitcher you are.
Extrapolating, I think we can expect big years out of Trevor Hoffman and David Riske, and don't be surprised if Cody Scarpetta doesn't break camp with the team. Also, although losing Ben Sheets will hurt, I'd assume we lead the league in pitching staffs with metrically symmetrical names, so there's reason to expect the Brewers to be right there in the playoff hunt.
Thank you for reading. No, you may not get those two minutes of your life back.
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What on earth made you come up with/notice this?
You have too much spare time.
Eric Gagne DL time: May 23-June 29 Brewers record in that span: 20-9
Jim
congrats on this acheivement. I will allow you one free pun without criticism
I just sit back and root for the taser
A caveat
Although it’s fun to apply this to other positions (like our Bill Hall/Mike Lamb platoon), given that the previous coach of the Brewers also had a metrically symmetrical name, I think it best to leave it at pitching.
I wouldn’t want people to start questioning the results by extrapolating too far. :)
"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"
Perhaps it's the opposite for managers?
Consider: Tony LaRussa, Mike Scioscia, Joe Torre, Joe Maddon, Terry Francona vs. Dusty Baker or Ned Yost. I suggest we resist any temptation to refer to Macha as “Kenny” or “Kenneth,” and that we insist on calling the Cubs’ Manager “Sweet Lou.”
I think you're on to something
Carsten Charles = 4 syllables…..Sabathia = 4 syllables…..more syllables-better pitcher…
Rickie Weeks...
Vs JJ Hardy and Alcides Escobar… =)
Parking Lot Pimpin'
Funny you mention them
I think convention wisdom would rank these (in terms of talent/effectiveness) as Hardy, Escobar, and Weeks.
- J.J. Hardy: symmetrical meter (2 syllables each, accent on the first syllable)
- Alcides Escobar: the number of syllables are the same, but I believe the accents are off
-I think his name is pronounced al-CI-des ES-co-bar - Rickie Weeks: unsymmetrical
Gasp!
"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"
Correct on the accents...
Parking Lot Pimpin'
Hilarious
I was reading this while talking to my wife on the phone (multi-tasking at its finest) and laughed out loud. Then, I had to explain it…she’s not a sports fan…didn’t get it. But I say, way to go Jim!
by Oakland Brewer Fan on Mar 6, 2009 6:55 PM CST reply actions
Actually
He prefers to be known as “The” Felix Hernandez, so that he’s not mistaken for other Felix Hernandezes out there.
The Felix Hernandez works out just fine. (Later, as he gets older and starts to lose his effectiveness, he’ll probably drop the “The,” preferring to swim in the sea of anonymity. This too fits in with the theory.)
"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"
He prefers going by "Bruce-y"
"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"
You mean Mad Dog Maddux?
"I will agree that the attitude [at BCB] is ridiculous and they have done so much to instigate animosity and then block us from responding. Real mature!"

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