UPDATE 9/8: Things that are more likely to happen than the Brewers making the playoffs

After getting shut out by Chris Carpenter and the Cards on Labor Day, and losing 2 of 3 from the Giants, I decided to take another look and find 10 things more likely to happen than the Brewers making the playoffs. First, though, I wanted to address a comment made earlier.

I think you should change the Academy Award one to Emmy Award...

Readers need to understand that I am using a scientific calculator, and an odds list I found on the internet, it should be clear that my calculations are rigid, and do not allow "changes" for either comedic or cosmetic effect. With apologies to Worldwide Pants --

Ten things more likely to happen than the Brewers making the playoffs (9/8 edition).

10.) That we find out that Ed Sedar speaks Cherokee
9.) That Dale Sveum joins our military and wins a Medal of Honor
8.) That Ryan Braun finds a four leaf clover on his first try
7.) That Mitch Stetter injures himself shooting off fireworks in the bullpen.
6.) That the Astros make the playoffs
5.) That Jason Kendall, Marcus Hanel and Mike Rivera all develop hemorrhoids simultaneously
4.) That Yo Gallardo is fatally injured in a non-Prince Fielder related collision.
3.) That Craig Counsell or Chris Bosio strike it rich on Antiques Roadshow.
2.) That Corey Hart and Mike Cameron take separate planes to their next road trip and both pilots are drunk.
1.) That both Ken Macha and Ned Yost are audited by the IRS

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Here are some things that are more likely to happen than the Brewers making the playoffs, based on probabilities I found on the internet (going into today's game).

It is more likely.....

That if Gord Ash and Doug Melvin decided to mow Miller Park one of them would get injured.

That JJ Hardy will fatally slip in the shower

That one of the boys on your son's little league lineup card will become a professional athlete.

That if Ed Sedar and Dale Sveum went lumberjacking, one of them would get injured using a chainsaw.

That if you took Jeff Suppan, Braden Looper, Manny Parra and Dave Bush bowling, one of your party would have a perfect game.

That one of Bill Schroeder, Brian Anderson or Bob Uecker will be considered to be possessed by Satan.

That if Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter, and Carlos Villanueva were shaving together, one of them would get injured.

That one of tonight's starting infielders will win an Academy Award.

That either Seth McClung or Jason Kendall will pen a NY Times best Seller.