I Wish

I Wish by Doug Melvin

Hey, this is radio station W-D-O-U-G
We're takin' calls on the wish line
Making your wacky wishes come true

Hello?

I wish my pitchers were a little bit taller
I wish I had a baller
I wish I had a pitcher who threw hard
Just throw harder
I wish I had a pitcher in a hat with a bat
And a 9-4 mph slider

I wish they were like six-foot-nine
So I could get back at Jack Z
'Cause he don't work for me but yo his staff's really fine
You know I see them all the time
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams
I can scheme of ways to make Cliff Lee mine
'Cause I know Lee's pitching's phat
His GM's rich and he can buy them all
So how am I gonna compete with that?

'Cause when it comes to play-off baseball
My team's always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean upon the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the fans
Who come to watch their teams in the Fall

Doug, y'all! I never understood
Why big markets get the fly pitchers
And me I get the Suppans
I tell 'em "scat, skittle, skibobble"
Got hit with a bottle
And put in the hospital, for signin' that mess

I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody watches yo' games
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcome with my thoughts of me and Lee together, right?
So when I asked him to sign he said the Brewers weren't his type

I wish my pitchers were a little bit taller
I wish I had a baller
I wish I had a pitcher who threw hard
Just throw harder
I wish I had a pitcher in a hat with a bat
And a 9-4 mph slider

I wish I had a brand-new ace
So far, I got Gallardo
But everywhere he goes, Yo gets laughed at
'Cause he's the only Brewer that can throw
I got a 4-year deal with Wolf and he throws a curve
But that's flat

And do you wanna know what's really whack?
See I have to make a trade
So, what you think of that?
I heard that "Lawrie can hit bombs all night
He's a prospect you should hold onto tight"
But really tho', on Toronto
There's some pitching makes me call and say hello

Well so many people wanna just wait for "one day"
But now it's only one year before Prince has to go
And how else can I get a pitcher that's elite?
Get off the phone and hear pitching's not cheap
'Cause it's hard to compete
When you're livin' in a real small market and
These free agents keep passin' me by
But Marcum's fly, his ERA's not high
Makes me say my, my, my

I wish my pitchers were a little bit taller
I wish I had a baller
I wish I had a pitcher who threw hard
Just throw harder
I wish I had a pitcher in a hat with a bat
And a 9-4 mph slider

Hey, just trust me and Mark A.
Take a look at what the stats say
Marcum's not tall but he finds a way
We just might win games
A rotation with solid names
Little Yovani, Marcum, Wolfay
Yo, he knows that's on the real
So if their FIP's aren't down on luck
Then you will come to love this deal
'Cause when Marcum takes the mound
You'll all see the pitcher I've found

Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get a pitcher like that

I wish my pitchers were a little bit taller
I wish I had a baller
I wish I had a pitcher who threw hard
Just throw harder
I wish I had a pitcher in a hat with a bat
And a 9-4 mph slider

I wish, I wish, I wish...