Brewer Rant-O-Matic
by nullacct on May 13, 2010 3:36 PM CDT
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PrintAs a method for separating out ourselves from Old Vegas, when you are either lacking the ability to make a cohesive, rational argument about what needs to improve with the Brewers or your brain has just seized up as a result of too much tailgating and trying to decipher the reasoning behind a baserunning gaffe or pitching change, please let the Brewer Rant-O-Matic state your argument for you.
Instructions:
Use (A) the last digit of your age, (B) the first letter of your last name, ( C) the last number of your zip code, (D) your shoe size, and (E) the number of seasons you’ve been a Brewers fan, and use the values from the following tables to fill in this sentence:
Oh my God, the Brewers are (A) __________ ! They need to trade (B) __________ for ( C) ___________ and fire (D) ___________ immediately! We need more players like (E) ____________ again!
(A)
0 – horrible
1 – inconsistent
2 – frustrating
3 – amateurs
4 – garbage
5 – underachievers
6 – terrible
7 – weak
8 – lazy
9 – one trade away from greatness
(B)
A – Escobar
B – Braun
C – Counsell
D – Davis
E – Edmonds
F – Fielder
G – Gamel
H – Hart
I – Inglett
J – Gerut
K – Kottaras
L – Hawkins
M – McGehee
N – Narveson
O – Coffey
P – Parra
Q – Stern
R – Riske
S – Suppan
T – Gomez
U – Villanueva
V – Vargas
W – Weeks
X – Hoffman
Y – Gallardo
Z – Zaun
( C)
0 – starting pitching
1 – relief pitching
2 – power hitting
3 – gold-glove fielding
4 – speed
5 – clutch hitting
6 – younger players
7 – an every day catcher
8 – a bunch of talent
9 – whatever they can get
(D)
< 6 – the whole scouting system
6 – 9 – Macha
10 – 13 – Melvin
>13 – everyone but Uecker and the racing sausages
(E)
1 – Jason Kendall
2 – Mike Cameron
3 – Francisco Cordero
4 – Bill Hall
5 – JJ Hardy
6 – Lyle Overbay
7 – Scott Posednik
8 – Ben Sheets
9 – Richie Sexson
10 – Geoff Jenkins
11 – Marquis Grissom
12 – Fernando Vina
13 – Jeromy Burnitz
14 – Jeff Cirillo
15 – Kevin Seitzer
16 – Greg Vaughn
17 – John Jaha
18 – Dante Bichette
19 – Teddy Higuera
20 – Gary Sheffield
21 – B.J. Surhoff
22 – Rob Deer
23 – Jim Gantner
24 – Paul Molitor
25 – Robin Yount
26 – Cecil Cooper
27 – Gorman Thomas
28 – Pete Vuckovich
29 – Sixto Lezcano
>30 – Dave May
34 comments
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15 recs |
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Comments
Oh my God, the Brewers are frustrating! They need to trade Parra for gold-glove fielding and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Robin Yount again!
by PagsBrewCrew on May 13, 2010 3:45 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Oh my God, the Brewers are horrible ! They need to trade McGehee for clutch hitting and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Pete Vuckovich again!
That's funny, because McGehee is most of their clutch hitting.
Applying Simpsons and Star Wars quotes to Brewers discussions since 2009.
Oh my God, the Brewers are garbage! They need to trade Fielder for whatever they can get and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Gary Sheffield again!
by Princess Grumbles on May 13, 2010 3:56 PM CDT reply actions
Oh my God, the Brewers are weak ! They need to trade Braun for an everyday catcher and fire everyone but Uecker and the racing sausages immediately! We need more players like Gorman Thomas again!
-Pretty sure that part of the problem is that they have too many players like Gorman Thomas
Unintented benefit
We learn not to mess with guys like Brian and their size 13+ stompers
OMG, the Brewers are one trade away from greatness. They need to trade Kottarras for younger players and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Pete Vuckovich again!
Well, we DO need pitching help….
BTW, where are Pat Listach and Dan Plesac on the list of old players we need more of?
Lord knows we could use 1987 Plesac right now.
yeah, but that implies the rant may have some rationality
Agreed, but I have a feeling the closest thing to that is already lurking in the rotation and totally blew his relief chance earlier this year. (Narveson)
How is this different then a game thread when the brewers are losing?
"Cubs suck. I own them" -Doug Davis
by Metagen on May 13, 2010 4:37 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
We’re actually laughing.
Applying Simpsons and Star Wars quotes to Brewers discussions since 2009.
by Yar Nivek on May 13, 2010 4:44 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
My first ever dual rec....
… for both the original comment and the replay.
Well played.
What begins in fear usually ends in folly.
by Ted Simmons Speed Camp on May 13, 2010 5:29 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh my God, the Brewers are lazy! They need to trade Braun for relief pitching and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Scott Posednik again!
by warwick5s on May 13, 2010 4:40 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Oh my God, the Brewers are inconsistent! They need to trade Kottaras for power hitting and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Gary Sheffield again!
by Bernie's Mustache Wax on May 13, 2010 4:52 PM CDT reply actions
By the way...
… who coined the “old Vegas” moniker for JSOnline comment threads? I should remember, but I don’t. It’s freaking brilliant.
What begins in fear usually ends in folly.
by Ted Simmons Speed Camp on May 13, 2010 5:32 PM CDT reply actions
Supertramp, in response to yours truly, in response to WSBChris
Source: http://www.brewcrewball.com/2010/3/22/1384131/mondays-frosty-mug#33020959
I'm not arguing, I'm just offering a relentlessly contrarian point of view.
Oh my God, the Brewers are underachievers ! They need to trade McGehee for starting pitching and fire Macha immediately! We need more players like Dave May again!
by Oakland Brewer Fan on May 13, 2010 6:12 PM CDT reply actions
Oh my God, the Brewers are underachievers. They need to trade Riske for a bunch of talent and fire Macha immediately! We need more players like Teddy Higuera again!
I’m surprised more people didn’t suggest we need to fire Macha.
My goodness.
we're males
with big feet
if you know what i mean
by PagsBrewCrew on May 13, 2010 9:37 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm a bit bewildered and dismayed
By the trade McGehee rants…. Because he’s the man…
Omg, The Brewers are inconsistent! They need to trade Fielder for starting pitching! They need to fire everyone but Ueker and the sausages! We need more players like Robin Yount.
Goooooo-mez!
by Drew C on May 13, 2010 10:55 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Oh my god the brewers are weak! They need to trade Braun for starting pitching and fire Melvin Immediately! We need more players like Gary Sheffield again!
Assuming they should actually trade fielder and have more players like yount but pretty right on
FEAR THE DEER!!! but not til next year =(
by russelTHEmuscle on May 15, 2010 5:34 AM CDT reply actions
Oh my God, the Brewers are Terrible! They need to trade Suppan for clutch hitting and fire Melvin immediately! We need more players like Overbay again!
Oh my God, the Brewers are Amateurs! They need to trade McGehee for younger players and fire Melvin! We need more players like Geoff Jenkins again!
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NL Central Standings
| W | L | PCT | GB | STRK | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Cincinnati
|
25 | 20 | .555 | 0 | Lost 1 |
|
St. Louis
|
25 | 21 | .543 | 0.5 | Lost 2 |
|
Houston
|
22 | 23 | .488 | 3 | Won 4 |
|
Pittsburgh
|
21 | 24 | .466 | 4 | Won 1 |
|
Milwaukee
|
19 | 26 | .422 | 6 | Won 2 |
|
Chicago
|
15 | 30 | .333 | 10 | Lost 10 |
(updated 5.26.2012 at 11:59 AM CDT)
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