Welcome to the World of the Milwaukee Squirrels (And Friends)

On behalf of all of the Eastern Gray Squirrels, I'd like to clear something up. Thanks to Jess, for letting me use her account to let you know about a huge misunderstanding.

If you've seen a small rodent with a large bushy tail racing along a branch, telephone wire or even the top of a fence - you've probably found a tree squirrel.

Some can even swim. And when we want to party, some of us go to large enclosed areas with grass, dirt and two houses that are halfway underground. And the netting is just awesome to climb on. Do you ever wonder why your car is cleaner in the parking lot after a game? A squirrel will often eat insects off your headlights, and bumpers, and collect leaves wedged in your tires for nesting.

That's disgusting to people, and we have no idea why.

Okay, now we will move on to explain the various forms of expression. Did you know squirrels can express disapproval when a play is not turned? This sound is usually drowned out, but we would usually do this "Tchrrrr, tchrrr.. tchhhrrr" And wave our tails around.

We use this for what is called "scolding" others.

Now, onto the maturation process -

At about 2 months, an Eastern Gray squirrel can go out on its own to find food. My experience growing up around a stadium was a little bit different, as far as a normal diet goes. Our mother brought us snacks just like any other family, but we were raised on things like soft pretzels, pickle relish, stadium sauce and nacho chips....

(interruption; squirrel chatter)

I've gotta talk to my friends, for a second!

"What? Oh... the game, right"

Okay, I'm back. Apparently, this is supposed to be about the baseball game you are playing tomorrow. There has been a lot of noise regarding a friend of ours who ran across the dirt portion of the squirrel-park/stadium. And that she was supposedly helping some Cardinals.

Soon after this happened, we were shocked to find ourselves represented on merchandise. Take a look!

-sigh-

This is really a problem. It's bad enough they are charging money for these, still. Just look at eBay, a site I often visit to look for old chairs and things to chew on.

So what else is wrong? Do people have any clue that they've used an image of a Red Squirrel?! We are more than just different species; we are not exactly fond of them. This is why when we came to the states, and began occupying urban areas, most of the Red Squirrels could not stand this, because they required a few acres of space, and got all whiny about the fact that we didn't take things as seriously.

Anyhow, I don't want to say too many bad things. Stadium squirrels are pretty tolerant creatures, seeing as we witness so many things at baseball games and teams yelling at one another, it's not uncommon for a Stadium Squirrel to befriend other species. Here's a picture of a red squirrel, who is a very good friend of mine:

She (definitely a "she," trust me) - - - she wanted me to pass this on;

Basically, red squirrels don't really like anyone, -be it a human or another animal- to go anywhere near them. If a cardinal were around, the squirrel would basically pick a fight and draw a line saying "this is not your territory, and don't steal my cache of food" etc...

In fact, they often try and eat birds. I do not condone this, but it's true. An Eastern Gray Squirrel, both Stadium and non-Stadium could care less about a family of Cardinals. I shared a tree with some, last year, and we were like "meh, whatever. Not impressed." This is why we wouldn't go out of our way to cheer for them every day to get food, and stuff. So why a baseball team?

And going back to what my friend told me, why should a Red Squirrel suddenly change its behavior if there is no point? Ugggghh (face-paw. Sort of like face-palm)

A Red Squirrel's goal is to protect this:

Yeah - pine cones.

So, anyway...it's way wayyy past my bedtime. We get up around 6:30 a.m., take a nap late-morning/early afternoon and wake up again at some point. We're ready to crash at about 7:00 p.m. That's all the Squirrel at Busch Stadium wanted to do, and its favorite show was probably on.

If people had the ability to hop, skip, dash and jump around like, this, they'd take the infield short-cut, too.

(Afterwards, I got in touch with this Stadium Squirrel, and she was like "game? What game?")

Enough of this. Time for bed. We do have interest in the Brewers, and we're gonna cheer for them, for sure. Along with our Canadian friends, like the Douglas Squirrel, a couple of Red Squirrels on the other side of the continent (they are sort of like cousins, who don't get along).

So it's cool. On behalf of our Miller Park Squirrel Nation, we'd like to thank the Brewer Nation and Jess'HittheBall for this opportunity to speak about not caring about Cardinals. If Jeff Passan or Amy K. Nelson tell you otherwise, don't bother reading those articles.

Sincerely,

Milwaukee Stadium Squirrel

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Update:

This is now Sponsored by Wii's new baseball adventure -

Maybe you are wondering "why did I see this in the ALCS playoff thread?" It is because the squirrels have requested that I use Saito's new game to get people to read this, and it was the only way I could take full control of my account, again.

-Jess