FanPost

The Jan Brady League Week 2: Where the commish is pissed, but still loves you.

Guys... I gotta be honest here.  I was VERY disappointed in the amount of ripping each other last week.  BUT, for a lot of you, it was your first shot at a review/preview, so take my words to heart when I say: 

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?  GET IN HERE AND START F*CKING HATING!

That felt good.  Anyway, I'm just tossing away the power rankings from last week since they were fucking awful, and doing it on an easier way where it's about how many teams you would've beaten with your score.  Down the road, we'll make a Hotness Rankings as well taking the last 4 weeks into account and weighing them based on recency.  But this is all discussion until the 4th week is reached.  In the meantime, here is your unweighted power ranks:

 

Rank Team Name Week 2 Total Total Power Points Wins
1 Anything You Cantu 374.3 854.2 26 1
2 Picture Me Rollins 309.9 822.5 25 2
3 Royals Yosting 272.8 772.7 21 1
4 Grienke's Gnome Mage 286.7 726.4 19 1
5 Total Eclipse of the Hart 336.4 706.7 17 1
6.5 Randy like the Wolf 324.2 694.4 15 1
6.5 My Pujols is Byrnsin 200.1 655.2 15 0
8 Halladay Road 241.8 667.2 14 2
9 Jeff's Mom is a Kent 300.1 552.4 12 0
10.5 Rewind Yourself 204.2 587.1 11 1
10.5 The Milledge Idiot 160.7 593.6 11 2
13 Smoakin w/ Jeffress 258.5 487.2 8 1
13 Electric Litch Orchestra 198.7 573.3 8 0
13 Nomar Mr. Nice Guy 145.6 559.9 8 1

I will have more on the individual matchups and upcoming later.

Anything You Cantu 374.3 over Jeff's Mom is a Kent 300.1- I think this week I will make movie quotes and pop culture references in order to try to come to Leam's standards.  Umm... Uhh... Fuck it, I do me.  Anything You Cantu had solid contributions from Castro, Che, Antonio Nunez Jiminez... wait, that was the Cuban Revolution.  He dominated with 6 players over 20 points each led by Starlin Castro.  Jeff had half the amount of pitcher points as Cantu, and that killed them.  Though relying on Jose Lopez and Anibal Sanchez was questionable.  But the big hit was Mauer going on the DL.  That'll hurt you for awhile.

Total Eclipse of the Hart 336.4 over Greinke's Level 85 Gnome Mage 286.7- Lance Berkman?  Are you kidding me?  The Big Puma?  I'm just going to Leam's words because I'm lazy...

 who'da guessed the Big Puma scoring 47?  Interestingly, I polled not only Lance Berkman himself on this but every other puma, mountain lion and catamount (especially those of above average weight) and found that none had predicted this whatsoever.

That's good stuff.  But let's also not forget Michael Pineda pitched better than anyone this week.  Something tells me that he could lead the M's staff as soon as they lose King Felix.  Don't deny, you know he'll leave.  The Mage's tried, and failed.  The lesson?  Never Try.  Especially Mike Pelfrey.  That -7 didn't help. 

Randy Like the Wolf 324.2 over ELO 198.7- Did you see The Brave One or The Killer Inside Me?  Me either, but I do know that Randy dispensed an ass whupping as ridiculous as those movies were bad.  I heard that these movies also had famous severe beatings, but no one saw them so who cares.  Tull led Randy with his hot streak that has Espin realizing that Colorado has a baseball team.  Josh Johnson is embarrased to be on the same squad as these assholes. 5 guys in the negative will hurt you every time

Picture Me Rollins 309.9 over Royals Yosting over an Open Fire 272.8- The teams exchaged 45 point differentials on Friday and Saturday, but the Yosting couldn't overcome a stellar week from Dan Haren, as much Kyle McClellan tried.  Some hearty wishes of death should probably go out to Ian Kinsler who followed up a great 1st week with a 4. 

Smoakn with Jeffress 258.5 over Rewind Yourself 204.8- Pedro Alvarez Justin Morneau, Vlad, and Raul Ibanez combined for 2 points and that's just very bad for Rewind Yourself.  Smoak'n didn't light up the world, but Brian Wilson did being the highest scoring guy in this matchup.

Halladay Road 241.8 over My Pujols is Byrnsin' 200.1- My team was awful this week, but thank god I took on a guy who's leading scorer was Randy Wolf.  I can't even look at you guys.  Get the hell out of my office!

The Milledge Idiot 160.7 over Nomar Mr. Nice Guy 145.6- So I'm due for an upgrade on my phone.  I have a Palm Pixi that has been a wonderful introductory smartphone, but I think I am well overdue to step up into the big boy phones. I am considering the Evo 3d for it's dual snapdragon processor, but I have no desire to have anything 3D in my life.  It looks stupider than the Kyocera dual screen phone.  I think I want to wait for the Samsung dual core phone with an AMOLED screen that should be coming out in the 3rd quarter.  I'm sure you found this little personal tidbit about as interesting as everyone found this abortion of a game.  4 teams outscored this game.  Congrats.

This weeks matchups:

Halladay Road v. Picture Me Rollins- two undefeated teams going up against each other.

ELO v. Pujols- someone will leave this matchup with a win.

Anything You Cantu v. The Milledge Idiot- the biggest winner v. the weakest winner

Rewind Yourself v. Nomar- first one to 210 wins!

Total Eclipse v. Randy like the wolf- congrats on identifying Carlos Quentin and Lance Berkman (seriously?) as a solid contributor for 2 weeks.  You two should be proud... until their inevitable 4-6 week DL stints.

Royals Yosting v. Jeff's Mom- Looks like Kinsler is trying to make it up for last week today.  Too bad Travis Wood and Ervin Santana decided to conspire against that.

Greike's Mage v. Smoak'n- Jed Lawrie had a career day! and that's it. He'll never do better than he did today.  How does it feel to peak at 24?

 

Sorry for the lackluster effort. It's almost as if only 6 people from the league participated in the conversation last week... 

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