Jan Brady League Week 9 Update 2: The week where the league turned on me

As we progress through this magical mystery tour that is the Jan Brady League, we are headed to the halfway point.  Technically, this Thursday is the halfway point of the season, but who's counting.  Anyway, so we're moseying along and all of a sudden, people are getting sick of my bullsh.  Well, tough.  I do the writing, and the recaps, and I have the microphone, and YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO EVERY WORD I SAY!!!  

Some VERY competitive games this week, and all but one of my detractors had some nice kharmic results, so let's get to the action:

Picture Me Rollins beat Electric Litsch Orchestra 394.1-282.2:  Since Asher was born, I thought it would be a great idea to have a lawn service take care of the mowing.  And it was.  Until he got to walking.  Now, there is no better break than getting out of the house and taking care of the lawn.  Not only does it give me a chance to get out in the fresh air and enjoy my thoughts, but there is a sense of accomplishment to looking upon your lawn and knowing you were instrumental in how it looks.  Also, I get to take a nice shower afterwards, which gets me even more of a break.  Speaking of which, Rollins, after taking a week to suck, came back with a vengeance to score the most points this week.  Led by the juiced up Bartolo Colon (and by juice, of course I mean gravy drippin's) and Ubaldo Jiminez, Rollins had only 2 hitters NOT in the double Digits.  ELO had an alright week as well, led by castoffs Rajai Davis and Colby Lewis.  But he only had 3 pitchers in the double digits.  

Jeff's Mom's a Kent beat Total Eclipse of the Hart 339.9-315.6: The lone detractor that had a good week, MichaelM chose to use his drunken 4Chan skills (poorly) to bring me down a peg.  Let me spell it out for you buddy.  I write a fantasy baseball update on a Brewers Blog, work a bust ass job for a completely unappreciative company, have a 13 month old whose favorite pastime at the moment is fucking my shit up and waking up at 2 AM, and a pregnant wife who is so hormonal that one misstep puts me on the couch for the night.  To quote the great Billy Bob Thorton in Bad Santa, "You think you can make my life any worse? Go ahead, take your best shot." I have no rungs left.  Just fucking with you, my life is AWESOME!!!  Anyway, congrats on getting your 3rd win of the year.  That only puts you 1 game behind me.  Though it was really Karma who beat Hart by benefiting by the Baby Eater's big week, though Matt Kemp is still tearing up the league.

Nomar Mr. Nice Guy beat Anything You Cantu I Cantu Better 330.2-241.3: The Marcus brother who happens to be good at Fantasy Baseball struck again with his 6th win.  It's funny the rivalry how brothers goes.  My brother and I have battles over the NFL draft every year.  Our most famous calls were that I thought Vernon Davis should've been the Packers pick 2006 draft, where he said it should've been Hiloti Ngata.  He was right there.  Now this is good redemption from when he said that Roy Williams would have a better career, and I told him, nope, it would be Ed Reed.  Anyway, with only 3 offensive guys not in the double digits, Nomar rolled with not a single guy over 30 points. Cantu also had a great week offensively, but 28.3 points total from his pitchers killed him.  

Back to the recap, and here we go:

Randy Like the Wolf beat My Pujols is Byrnesin 323.2-286.3: I'm up late after not really sleeping much last night.  That's one of the things about fatherhood, specifically when your wife's energy is killed by round 2. When the kid wakes up whining at 2 AM, it's your turn.  When you get home from work, you are pretty much on the clock until you wake up and leave in the morning.  Then you're back on the clock at work.  It's a never ending cycle.  Now we've talked about phenomenal offensive performances, and thus far, nothing tops Randy.  Only 3rd Baseman Greg Dobbs was the sole non-Double Digit performer.  Then again, most teams are struggling at 3rd.  Despite a sub-par staff this week, he was able to outpace the Byrnesins whose balance efforts were not enough despite Halladay's 36.1 this week.

Smoak'n With Jeffress BEAT Mr. Saberilliterate's The Millidge Idiot 322.9-294.1: Well, Well, Well.... lookie who is on the wrong end of the stick this week.  Now let me clarify, I have no problem with trash talk, in fact, I encourage it. So keep bringing it.  Just know that you put your fate in the hands of the fantasy gods.  Smoakin had a ridiculous week from Michael Bourn, who had a stolen base every day, and 7 wins from his staff led the day.  Really, SaberIlleterate couldn't overcome the horrible decision of playing Wilson Betemit, Adam Dunn, and Kyle Drabek.  But this raises the question about his intellect about why he would have a Houston Assclowns pitcher in Aneury Rodriguez pitch.  You have to seriously question your position in life.  He truly Yosted his squad with these decisions.  It's a rookie mistake and you hate to see it... In doing so, he has fallen behind me in the standings.  

Halladay Road beat Greinke's Level 85 Gnome Mage 286.2-266.6: I have truly enjoyed Civil War Week on the History Channel.  I remember 10 years ago when it was like this all the time.  It's amazing really, History has become Discovery, Discovery has become stupid, and TLC has become Midgets, Pagents, and Cake.   I especially enjoyed the in-depth Gettysburg doc.  It was absolutely phenomenal, like me winning this week.  The nice part of a H2H league is that I only need to outscore my opponent each week.  And that's what happened.  The mages only got 78 points from his staff, where my balaced attack led by 31 from Miggy got the job done.  

Royals Yosting on an Open Fire "beat" Rewind Yourself: So when you play a guy who has 5 guys on the DL starting, it's kind of not really a win.  He's not participating at all, and I will have you know that I did email him and hopefully he'll respond.  

Guys, I'll say this to him, but really, it's a message for any fantasy player.  It takes 15 minutes on Monday, and 15 Minutes on Thursday to run a fantasy team.  If you can't give your compatriots that time that they are taking out of their lives, then please don't sign up.  I'm streaming pitchers in 3 leagues, so it's about a half hour of my day that I spend on this.  Yes that time adds up, but it's my hobby, and it's what I love doing.  I'm not saying you should do what I do, but at least have the respect for your league mates to 1) Show up for the draft, 2) make sure you have a functional, and competitive lineup, and 3) make a comment about your team's performance at least once every week or 2.  Thats all.

I'll have power ranks tomorrow at noon, and I'll leave you with the best line I've heard in forever.  when someone questions the size of your manhood, just remember this line to completely diffuse AND win the situation: "My d*ck tastes huge." Works every time.

UPDATE: POWER RANKS.