What a way to kickoff the season. Brady put up huge numbers, Steve Smith isn't dead, and Donovan McNabb is. Since we have 18 matchups to get to, I just have one note. Next weekend, I'll post a Fantasy Football open thread for all of you to have wonderful REAL TIME smack talk. I'm thinking it will either fail miserably, or be epic. We'll give it a go and see what happens.
On To The Games!!!!
TAPMoney's Clay with my balls beat Officer Jim Lahey's King of the Rats 128-86: Oh man, was I prepared for football. I had my addidas shorts on (elastic waste for easy nut access), my NFL T-shirt, a bag of cool ranch doritos, a 6 pack of Miller Lite, a 12 pack of Coke 0, and my recliner all set for FOOTBALL!!! I'm not sure what your ritual is, but for god sakes, if you don't have one, go out and get one. TAPMoney had every single one of his players score in the double digits with the exception of his Kicker. For Jim, after A-rodg got things started well on Thursday, everything went downhill. The Steelers D got blown out, as did Kaedings ACL. Jonathan Stewart only scored 1, but that's to be expected since it's Jonathan Stewart. TAP was led by Ray Rice, the Jets D, and Djax. He (and I'm assuming you're a man) was also the highest scoring team in the Swansons. Power Ranks later (Like a lot later, like this afternoon).
TwoShooesMagooze's No More Kolb-bell beat Jeo's Come On Hakeem 122-95: One of the worst parts of having kids is that you have to do sh*t with them on football day. I thought that because I was a phenomenal husband all year long that I got Sundays and Monday nights to watch football. But no, the wife is pregnant and can only occupy the kid for so long before getting really pregnant mad and tossing the kid off to me. I missed the first half of the 2nd set of games taking the kid to the park. While Magooze's Vick and Britt were matched by Jeo's Flacco and Raven's D, Magooze beat him at every other position except one with solid outings from Bush, Gresham, Bradshaw and Bryant.
Nullacct's Suh Mack Hawk beat Andrew Heidke's Orange Crush 111-83: I must profess my love, again, for the Red Zone Channel. I have Directv because I live in a market where the weather won't f*ck up my signal. And I'll get into what I love about Directv, but the Original Red Zone Channel with Andrew Ciciliano is out of this world. If you have ADD and love football, it's like God came down and gave you a unicorn with a naked nymph riding on it begging to be banged. It's that good. Nullacct got off to a good start as well with Brees, and had Welkah to ice it Monday Night even with Andrew having Brady coming in at 38. The difference is that Andrew did not check his lineup Sunday Morning once Arian Foster was ruled innactive at 10:30 (thank you twitter) and throw him on the bench. Throw in underwhelming performances from Dallas Clark, Mario Manningham, and DeAngelo Williams (TOLD Y'ALL!), and you have a recipe for a loss. Nullacct was bolstered by MJD's 15 and Neil Rackers at 10.
Hyatt's You had me at Meat Tornado beat Brew Town Boozer's I Just Called To Say F*ck You 100-65: I've got leagues on both Yahoo and ESPN. It seems that last year, and then continuing into this year, the ESPN Leagues have surpassed Yahoo's. The reason for this is that Yahoo, for some reason, slows down even the most up to date browser and just makes any roster moves clunky. Now I appreciate Yahoo's free agent listings more, but the smoothe interface gives ESPIN the advantage. My boys came out of the gate stumbling, but got the job done led by Lesean McCoy, the Eagles D, Steve Johnson, and Steven Jackson's 1 rush. Big Ben had his worst day as a pro. Now it can only go up, right? Boozer had issues with Blount, Ocho, and even Matt Shaub that doomed his team. Good day at the office, though.
Doubleb440's Tramon Eileen beat MrLeam's Put Something Offensive Here 98-70: I know I said this in the preview, but I still can't believe the huge mistake I made a putting both Dexy Midnight Runners based team names in the same league. This should've never happened. I apologize to you. Double B was led by Fore and KING LASERFACE to victory, as Mendenhall, Gore, and Dwayne Bowe let Leam down. Now Gore and Mendenhall should be fine, but you might want to see what you can get for Dwayne Bowe at this point as the Chiefs look lost.
Zorakathura's I just want to use your lovie tonight beat MichaelM's Josh Bidwell is one testy punter 95-73: I've also been playing around with the ESPN and Yahoo Apps. I'll start with Yahoo's. The interface is not as clunky as the website, but there are issues. The font is small to the point of almost being illegible. Roster moves require going to a separate screen which took me 3 days to figure out. I can do add and drops, but the buttons are small and the filters are not intuitive. It's default screen is the league standings screen, which while important, isn't as important as defaulting to the main reason you are using the app, which is to check and manipulate your lineup. Not a fan. And MichaelM is not a fan of the performance of his big guns this week. Only Romo and Mike Wallace got in the double digits for him, where Zora had The Bears, Beanie, Jennings, and Johnson all above that benchmark. Michael also lost big against Ryan Fitzpatrick's 4TD day as the Chiefs D couldn't put up a single point.
Rendezvous' All The Bacon and Eggs You Have beat Noah's Kuhn Tang Klan ANTFW 124-108: On to the ESPN App. It is very easy to scroll through if you have multiple teams. In addition, you can go straight to your roster, the league home, the matchup, or the league scoreboard with ease. Replacing players is right on the roster screen so you can edit your lineup with little hassel. What I don't like is that it makes me sign in almost every time I log in. But I've found it to be superior to Yahoo in almost every way. Easier to read, easier to manipulate, and just better overall. The two highest scoring teams of the week in the league went up against each other, and it came down to Monday Night where Brady outscored Marshall to provide Rendevous the difference. He also had a great performance from Ray Rice and double digit scoring from witten, the Falcons D, Best, and Starks. The Ravens D and McCoy led Noah, who couldn't get over a disappointing start from Shaub to take the W. Noah also has an issue with Steven Jackson being out and having to rely on Mark Ingram for next week with little options for his Flex.
Masondolo's Dexter's Viking Adventure beat drzden's Mendenhall's OBL Fan Club 105-88: The Vikings are the one NFC North team that is not very good at football. McNabb threw for 39 yards more than I did on Sunday. 39!!!! That's 60 fewer than Brady had on one play. Maybe the Redskins weren't out of their minds dumping his ass and starting Rexy. Masondolo was smart enough to start Mike Tolbert and got great outings from Romo and the Eagles D to take advantage of drzden's shoddy outings from Roddy, DeAngelo, and Bowe. drzden did get big points from Kenny Britt, David Akers, and solid numbers from Orton, Turner, and the Raiders D, but it wasn't enough.
Tepo6699's Using Your Head with James Harrison beat Tcyoung's AND THATS HOW YOU GET GRANTS 97-93: If there is a fanbase I respect less than the Patriots fanbase (motto: We've been diehards since 2001), it's the Broncos fans. These idiots are cheering for the third string QB to get in the game when he proved he can't handle the NFL in the Pre-season. I don't care if he was Mr. College. Rashaan Salaam was great in College. Curtis Enis was great in college. Gino Torretta was great in college. There's a difference between the NFL and minor league football. Morons. In a very close game, I am absolutely convinced that Tim is going to rip Hugh Jackson a new asshole for not letting McFadden get a shot at getting in the endzone. A-rodg and Beanie couldn't overcome his 10 total points he received from his wideouts and tight ends. Tepo got big performances from Vick, Megatron, and Djax while overcoming a shoddy Steelers D outing to take the game.
Hyatt's Cutler's Pottery Barn Gift Reciept beat Fiesta's After-Life Aquatic with Osama Bin Laden 92-61: Kansas City is in trouble. They play a first place schedule (though the Colts don't seem too big of a challenge anymore) and no longer have the NFC West on the dockett. Throw in that they now have Josh "HorseAIDS" McDaniels running their offense, and I see a recipe for DISASTER!!! It's fun to watch McDaniels fail. Speaking of failing, when you only get two guys in the double digits, you aren't going to win many fantasy football games. That was Fiesta's issue as Ryan, AP, Hillis, and Clark all let him down. My squad was bolstered by a great outing from the Bears D and Rivers, along with solid outings from Keller and Stevie Johnson. My running backs shat the bed, but they'll improve next week.
Icecreamman's Ice Cold Bruschi's beat RyanSmith's Jay Cutler's Kneegina 90-87: There are few things in life that make me want to RAMPAGE. Damage to my car isn't that upsetting as when the wife tells me she just dropped $150 on baby sh*t at Target today. I'm ready to sh*t a f*cking brick right now. The great part of Fantasy Football includes the last game comebacks. Noah was a victim of it earlier, and Ryan got defeated by it as well. Welllkaaaah and the Pats D combined for 34 points to put the Bruschis over the Kneeginas. Eli, MJD, and Miles Austin were solid as Ryan also got great numbers from Forte, and good ones from Freeman, Nicks, and the Cardinals D (12 points for allowing 422 passing yards? Something's nor right there). For him, Lance Kendricks and especially Chris Johnson disappointed to a loss.
Jarlbartar's Mississippi Dongslingers beat pjpaulus' Armageddon Day 83-77: One of the greatest apps I've found is Words with Friends. This allows me to participate in activity with the wife without actually engaging her in any way. I was able to spend "quality time" with her all last night while she watched Bachelor Pad in one room and I had football on in the other. Now that's a productive app. I understand why both guys made the QB decisions they did, but it cost them. Their backups scored 23 and 20 respectively, with Jarl pulling it out led by Reggie Wayne. Strong performances from Rob Gronkowski, Felix, and Tampa's Mike Williams all led to his win. PJ got solid outings from Andre Johnson, Jennings, Dez, and Fred Jackson, but couldn't overcome Blount and Big Ben's bad days.
Saltire's Pippa Middleton's Hypnotic A$$ (needs gif) beat Meiz's Hyatt's Wife and My kids 126-68: This weekend I'm missing my cousin's wedding in Pennsecola because the wife is 28 weeks pregnant and can't travel according to our midwife. Solution: Call sister and have her put your name on the card for the gift! Easy enough. Congrats David and Carly! BTW, this isn't the Rafi cousin, this is his brother. Saltire had big performances from McCoy, Kolb, and Beanie, as only two of his players (Tony G and the Chargers D) didn't reach the double digits. Meiz had Brady, but no one else did anything as he also had Mendenhall, Blount, and Seattle's Mike Williams. He won't be this bad all year man, so don't sweat it. Except for Williams, the seahawks are absolute trash this year.
schmita91's Ernest Goes to Kampman beat golfallday's Gilbert Brown's Manssiere 115-97: So I'm in another league with some buds and my other cousin. If you ever watch The League on FX, he is the equivalent of Bro-Lo El Cunado. He was talking some of the weakest smack, his team name is some lame frat boy reference from 5 years ago that needs to be looked up on Urban Dictionary, he was screaming for people to pick, and took Brady in the first and just made some terrible selections. AND HE KILLED THIS WEEK. When a guy who probably still ices bros scores the most in your fantasy league, there is no justice in the world. Nice performances from Vick, Megatron, Ced Benson, and the Eagles D led schmita as golfallday couldn't catch up despite a great outing from Brees. Bowe Manningham, and Charles all dispointed.
Cheezconqueso' I Wanna Rex You Up beat TheBrouhaha's Drop it Like it's Hot Ft. J. Jones 115-97: The way I usually order this is by who scored the most points. Well if there's a tie, then I go by opponent's score. Well, that didn't work here, so COIN FLIP. Cheez, led by Ray Rice, only had 2 guys below 10 points (Winslow and Cundiff). That was too much for The Brouhaha to overcome despite A-Rodg, McFadden, Jennings, and Jimmy Graham's performance. Santonio, despite my big bets, kind of let him down along with Ingram and the Giants D.
Yar Nivek's I WILL DESTROY HER beat Hyatt's Cromartie Foster Kid Emporium 110-88: Sometimes a gut feeling kills you. Sunday Morning, I benched Steve Smith because I thought Mike Thomas would destroy the Titans' defensive backs. Turns out, that was the difference. That and Welker going off on Monday night. In conclusion, I hope you get the clap from a rhino Jack Del Rio. If Garrard were there, this would've worked. Kevin also got good outings from Rivers, MJD, and Bradshaw to lead him to victory.
-JP-'s Indianapolis Steakhouse beat LosinCatmansLove's Day Drinkin w/ Mike Vrabel 94-58: Bad things happen when you don't show up to a draft. I missed one of my drafts earlier, and despite a ridiculous receiving corps, my starting running back was Daniel Thomas and Lesean Mccoy, with Eli as my QB. While I Love McCoy, I was left scrambling and was able to move Miles Austin for Matt Shaub and Brandon Lloyd for Felix. These moves, despite Shaub's crap week, led to victory and has me in good position to compete. The same can't be said for LosinCatmansLove, who got dumped on with Jay Cutler and Michael Turner leading his team to just 58 points. That'll happen when CJ2K, Vincent Jackson, and Maclin combine for 9 points total. JP was led by Britt and Wayne while Steven Jackson got one carry for 11 points. Amazing.
TexWestern's Rock Me Abberderis beat trippinAndy's Gary Glitter's U-16 92-67: My final observation from this week is I love overreactions. I like to overreact to AJ Hawk being fat and slow. He got blown away by Sproles in the first, and his gut hit sproles on the 2nd last play of the game for the PI. He is proving that the Pack made a mistake keeping him and letting Barnett go to the Bills. Nothing worked for Andy this week. Andre Johnson and the Ravens D were the only bright spots in a dismal weekend. His QB, Flex, RBs, and other WR combined for 19 points. That's just not going to win you many fantasy matchups. Tex was led by the Bears D, Seabass, and Josh Freeman to victory.
Wow, that's a lot of recapping. Here are your Power Ranks. For those unfamiliar, you are ranked by total points week to week. Meaning, the guy with the most will beat every other team, and thus gets 36 Power points. The guy with the lowest would beat no teams, and thus gets 1 power point. These really have little meaning until about week 4 and won't get interesting with real ranks and nice point differentials until next week. But still, here ya go.
|Member||Team Name||League||Wk 1 Pts||Wk 1 Power|
|TAPmoney||Clay With My Balls||S||128||36|
|Saltire||Pippa Middleton's Hypnotic A$$||A||126||35|
|Rendezvous||All The Bacon and Eggs You Have||K||124||34|
|TwoShoesMagooze||I need more Kolb-bell||S||122||33|
|cheezconqueso||I Wanna Rex You Up||A||115||31.5|
|schmita91||Earnest Goes To Kampman||A||115||31.5|
|nullacct||Suh Mack Hawk||S||111||30|
|Yar Nevik||I Will Destroy Her||A||110||29|
|NoahJ||Kuhn Tang Klan ANTFW||K||108||28|
|Masondolo||Dexter's Viking Adventure||K||105||27|
|Hyatt||You Had Me At Meat Tornado||S||100||26|
|tepo6688||Using Your Head w/ James Harrison||K||97||23|
|theBrouhaha||Drop it Like It's Hot ft. James Jones||A||97||23|
|golfallday||Gilbert Brown's Mansierre||A||97||23|
|jeo||Come On Hakeem||S||95||20.5|
|Zorakathura||I Wanna Use Your Lovie Tonight||S||95||20.5|
|tcyoung||That’s How You Get Grants||K||93||18|
|Hyatt||Cutler's Pottery Barn Gift Receipt||K||92||16.5|
|TexWestern||Rock Me Abberderis||A||92||16.5|
|icecreamman||Ice Cold Bruschis||K||90||15|
|drzden||Menenhall's OBL fan Club||K||88||13.5|
|Hyatt||Cromartie's Foster Kid Emporium||A||88||13.5|
|Ryan Smith||Jay Cutler's Kneegina||K||87||12|
|Officer Jim Lahey||King of the Rats||S||86||11|
|Andrew Heidke||Orange Crush||S||83||9.5|
|MichaelM||Josh Bidwell's One Testy Punter||S||73||7|
|MrLeam||Put Offensive Name Hear||S||70||6|
|Dikembe Meiztombo||Hyatt's Wife and My Kids||A||68||5|
|trippingandy||Gary Glitter's U-16||A||67||4|
|BrewTownBoozer||I Just Called To Say Fuck You||S||65||3|
|Fiesta||Afterlife Aquatic with Bin Laden||K||61||2|
|LosinCatmansLove||Day Drinkin with Mike Vrabel||A||58||1|