Time for a mea culpa. I have committed a fantasy faux pas (a latin and a french phrase in 2 sentences, UP TOP!). I ignored my team for the last 4 weeks of the season. I kitton mittoned my team. And they reacted rebelliously by tanking the finaly 4 weeks as well. To the players, I say I'm sorry. To the opponents, you're welcome.
But what has been slightly more forgivable is the fact that I've been slacking off on the Jan Brady League updates. Throw in job, pregnant wife (27 weeks along now, and we're going to have a little girl), a 16 month old, my sister's wedding, a 2 week case of bronchitis, organizing 4 fantasy football leagues, and just general need for things like sleep, and you come up with not taking the 45 minutes a week it takes to write this article. Some of you might be pissed at this. To those, I have some nuts you can suck. I was busy, sue me.
So let's check out who made the playoffs, and who has moved on to the second round!
#8 seed Total Eclipse of the Hart UPSET #1 Seed Picture Me Rollins- HOLY COW!!! This is bigger than Seahawks beating the Saints! Speaking of which, REAL FOOTBALL STARTS IN 6 DAYS!!! WOOHOO!!! I've got my cool ranch doritos, my mesh shorts, and my AJ Hawk Jersey (man do I regret that one) all set for Thursday night. There is no better tradition than what I do, and now I have a son who still can't comprehend what's going on to share it with again! Life's alright. Anyway, nothing could go right for Rollins' pitching. It was just negative and single digit performance after bad performance, leading to just 51 points of pitching. Not even a hot streak from Carlos Lee could catch the Harts who, led by Matt Kemp's 30, pulled off one of the biggest upsets in fantasy history.
#2 seed Smoak'n with Jeffress beat #7 Nomar Mr. Nice Guy- I actually got sent home from work. I'm one of those that unless I am on my death bed, I'll be at work. Well, you throw up in a cubicle garbage can, you don't give your manager much choice. So I went home and died. Spending a weekday home at work is not awesome. I hate it. As much as I love spending time with the baby boy, I don't want him near me because he's the jerk that made me feel this way by getting sick first. Also, weekday TV still sucks. Just putting it out there. Smoak'n was down by 30 going in to sunday, but 3 stellar pitching performances from Zac Britton, Kyle Loshe, and Bud Norris put his squad over the top after a strong week from CarGo who put up 44. Nomar was doomed by his 8 man staff, though Ian Kennedy did earn player of the week honors with 48.1, it was not enough.
#3 seed Royals Yosting on an Open Fire beat #6 seed Jeff's Mom's a Kent- Living in Texas, the most disappointing and depressing moment of your life is when you walk to your car in the middle of the summer after departing a plane coming form Milwaukee, or anywhere else for that matter. 2 weekends ago, my sister, a HUGE Brewers fan and her man got married in a beautifully quick ceremony in Cedarburg. The weather was beautiful, and the time with my family was absolutely amazing. Then I step off the plane in Dallas and it's 101 degrees at 9:30 at night. UGH. The FIRE and the Kents went into Sunday pretty much tied, but Jeff Karstens shat the bed for the Kents, and that was the difference. His performance wasted great weeks from Verlander, Nick Swisher, Dez Jennings, and David Ortiz, while the FIRE was led by A-Goz, Matt Weiters, and James Shields.
#4 Seed Anything You Cantu I Cantu Better beat #5 Seed ELO - I'm serious when I say you have to be brave to live here. We have endured 64 days over 100 degrees this summer, 46 in a row at one point, with the highest "official" high was 113. Do you know what kind of drain on your psyche that is? Immagine 2.25 straight Februaries in the sahara with no Super Bowl. That's how horrible this was. And thus begins the launch for the Hyatt Moves His Family Back To Wisconsin Fund. To donate, click HERE (NOTE: DO NOT CLICK THERE, I WARNED YOU). This was the biggest blowout of the week, With Cantu running away on friday and not looking back. Votto, Mark Reynolds, and Jamile Weeks led them to victory.
So since ESPIN doesn't reseed, your Semi Final Matchups are:
#8 Total Eclipse of the Hart taking on #4 Anything You Cantu I Cantu Better
#2 Smoak'n with Jeffress taking on #3 Royals Yosting on an Open Fire.
Good luck this week.