What a wonderful weekend to continue our Fantasy Football Journey together. BTW, Kyle has expressed some rather open hostility towards this entire venture. I understand his reasoning, like that we're mouth breathers who care more about our teams than we do actual teams. Kyle sounds very similar to Mitch Albom. Now I'm sure he's flattered to be compared to Mitch, but... Well, I'll just let Ken and Junior take care of Mitch.
The people who don't get and therefore rip fantasy sports are worse than those who rip blogs. It is a game guys. It's not where our rooting intrests lie. It's not like we're holed up in our mother's basement expousing an opinion (heh). Seriously, blogs exist because they look at columnists and reporters, and think, "Hey, I'm smarter than this asshole," and they're right.
Fantasy sports exists because the game is fun and we enjoy playing it. It's harmless, and it's enhancing our enjoyment of the games. It forces us to pay attention to the whole league, and have a better idea of what's going on out in the football world. It also allows us to see through the hype and see which players are actually good. To put it the best way, it allows us to escape the miopic view of sports that all you are allowed to do is follow one team and let others pay attention to their teams.
It has been one the biggest beneficiaries of the stats revolution, and the stats revolution would not have survived if wasn't for Rottisserie baseball players buying up Bill James' books.
It also allows us to explore our own creativity. Just look at the names in these leagues. It's a phenomenal way to spend about an hour and a half a week. So basically, you want to criticize fantasy sports, fine. But be prepared for a crotch punch if you demonstrate you do not understand it.
On to the fucking games.
Hyatt's You had me at Meat Tornado beat Jeo's Come On Hakeem 142-85:I'm still really worked up from the above rant, so I'm just going to write recaps until I calm down. I thought Joe had a chance this week, but my team had other ideas. Only Joe Addai and the Eagles D were not in double digits, and Miles Austin, Lesean McCoy, and Tony Gonzalez had stellar games. Joe got screwed by late scratch Brandon Lloyd, as well as Ryan Fitzpatrick doing his Tom Brady immitation on his bench. Vincent Jackson had a phenomenal week, but all for naught.
TAPmoney's Clay With My Balls beat Doubleb440's Tramon Eileen 140-73:TAP's squad comes through for the second straight week with another strong performance. His only down notes were Alex Henery and Djax getting hurt. Otherwise, he was all above the double digits, with Fred Jackson, DMC, and the Jets D all over 20. Eileen kept a New England TE on the bench, but his troubles go a lot deeper as he just lost Charles for the season. I weep for him.
MichaelM's Josh Bidwell is One Testy Punter beat TwoShooesMagooze's No More Kolb-bell 125-63: I took an hour off and I'm really frustrated at other things now. So we'll just keep reviewing until I become unpissed. Romo, AP, Hillis and Mike Wallace were all phenomenal for Michael as Magooze had little shot to catch him. Magooze is riding Kenny Britt's hot streak, but Dez didn't play, Gresham didn't factor in at all, and Reggie Bush remembered he is Reggie Bush and went back to sucking. Quite the disappointing performance considering Magooze was the 2nd best team last week.
Mr.Leam's Put Something Offensive Here beat Nullacct's Suh Mack Hawk 119-81: I'm missing my wife's midwife appointment right now. The reason we're going to a midwife is because the OB that first examined her called her the wrong name 4 times. There was no personal care at all. Plus, it's hella cheaper. If you are thinking of having a kid, I'd investigate midwife care. It's pretty phenomenal. Leam got double digit days from everyone on his team with the exception of the Chargers Defense. Nullacct got a great day from Brees, and solid days from the Packers D and Neil Rackers, but the rest of his team combined for 33 points. That's all of his skill positions. You don't win many games with that.
BrewTownBoozer's I Just Called To Say F*ck You beat Zorakathura's I Just Wanna Use Your Lovie Tonight 105-90: Is it me, or does Todd Haley just look like he drives a Camaro? The guy seriously just seems like the second biggest douche coach in the NFL, behind Josh McD. Big days from the Lions D, Michael Turner, and Matt Shaub led the Boozers squad over Zoras. Zora started Mark Sanchez, who though solid, does not lead to many fantasy wins. Andre Johnson and Beanie Wells were also solid.
AndrewHeidke's Orange Crush beat Officer Jim Lahey's King of the Rats 88-84: Both teams had mediocre weeks, but Brady was a little better than Rodgers, and thus Andrew's squad got the wins. Steve Smith was Jim's only bright spot in the skill positions, while Andrew got solid weeks from Santana Moss (you're welcome) and Tim Hightower (Roy Helu coming up fast). Now, can we get everyone to bench Carolina RBs from now on? The Crush lost out on 29 points from Maclin because DeAngelo scored a bunch of TDs 3 years ago. They suck guys. C'MON.
Fiesta's After Life Aquatic with Osama Bin Laden beat RyanSmith's Jay Cutler's Kneegina 139-72: So many questions about this article that I'm going to spend two recaps asking them. First, can the chick in the camo realtee squat that gator? Her thighs are alomst as thick as it's tail. Also, why is this guy have a gator hunting liscense? Just in case this exact situation happens? If so, then why fish? In sales, you always go for the bigger game. So Fiesta's squad rebounded nicely after a weak first outing. Only Boldin was kind of disappointing, with 20+ points from Hillis and AP. Ryan's squad only had Freeman, Forte, and Santana in double digits, with huge disappointments coming from CJ2K, and Reggie Bush (though how disappointed can you be in Reggie Bush anyway? He's terrible).
Rendezvous All The Bacon and Eggs You Have beat pjpaulus' Armageddon Day 132-114: Back to that article, why the hell would the taxidermist father put the stuffed head of the gator in the guy's room?!? "Remember that time you were fishing and had to kill that gator in self-defense otherwise it would've killed you or at least maimed you but now it just provides you nightmares for life? Well, I'm going to give you a reminder to wake up to for the rest of your natural life!" "Thanks, dad..." Rendezvous squad is showing itself to be a force with his effort the past two weeks. Brady, Jahvid Best, and Vjax were forces this week, as pj just couldn't keep pace despite an impressive total. Only two guys not in double digits for PJ with Fred Jackson leading the way, but it just wasn't enough.
tcyoung's And That's How You Get Grants beat icecreamman's Ice Cold Bruschi's 127-116: Are you a show of crappy late 80s and early 90s teen sitcoms? Wonderful, because LOLSlater and Danger Guerero are reliving the Saved By The Bell Hawaiian Vacation. Best point made: How can Kelly's family afford a round trip ticket to Hawaii yet can't afford a ticket to the prom? Tim had banner weeks from A-Rodg, DMC, and Jeremy Maclin, and was able to outpace the Bruschi's Austin and Brees. Even with pretty much nothing from James Jones and Vernon Davis, it was not enough for icecreamman to overcome with sad performances from Devin Hester and Kellen Winslow. Icecreamman is now in trouble since austin and ammendola are out. This means he has to rely on a combination of Welker/Hester/SimsWalker/Ochocinco to fill out his receivers. Yikes.
NoahJ's Kuhn Tank Klan ANTFW beat Masondolo's Dexter's Viking Adventure 93-92: Heinz has redesigned their ketchup packets. I completely understand this as I have many a time tried to put ketchup on my burger or fries and crossed the median because of the distraction that the old packets provided slamming into a minivan full of clowns killing 19. Surprisingly, no jury has convicted me yet. It's so anti-clownite out there. This was a matchup of what ifs, as Mason could've started Santonio, Meachum, or Burleson off his bench over Tolbert and won. Then again, Noah could've put in Danario Alexander or Aaron Hernandez and won handily. But the final is the final, and Ahmad Bradshaw couldn't give Mason the points to put him over the top. I'd hand out a lot of crotch punches if it were me.
Hyatt's Cutler's Pottery Barn Gift Receipt beat Tepo6688's Using Your Head w/ James Harrisson 91-83: I am sad to report that I am not writing this from the penthouse of MILF Plaza. I've already berated my guys, but it stands repeating that Devone Bess is a piece of asscake, or at least performed as such. Luckily for me, Mike Vick and Djax got hurt Sunday night before they could bring Tepo back. I was also lucky that Ryan Grant and Julio Jones decided to shit the bed this week. This is a game my team should've lost. But that's what good teams do, win when not at their best. Just be on the look out for crotch punches if they perform like this again.
Drzden's Mendenhall's OBL Fan Club beat jarlbartar's mississippi Dongslingers 88-64: Two and a half Men got 27 million viewers the other night. Speaking of shit shows, this matchup happened. Drzden had more to show for himself with Britt, Turner and Orton where jarl was stuck with just Ron Gronkowski and Frank Gore showing up. Everyone else in this matchup was ass. The worst part for Jarl was that his bench couldn't provide much help as Knox, Arian and Collie were all shit as well.
More coming, just the publishing tool seems to be messed up. I'll see what I can do to fix it... OK... Still messed up. I'll do my best with what I have, but it looks messed at the moment.
Saltire's Pippa Middleton's Hypnotic A$$ beat The Brouhaha's Drop it Like It's Hot Ft. James Jones 156-107: The tool is messed up, so I can't link to anything. But trust me when I say there was a cable guy in Florida who was arrested for pissing on the customer's floor. It's always Florida, Ohio, or Germany where this messed up stuff happens. Saltire has a juggernaut forming with his team. He was the second highest scoring team last week, and this week, he just blew out almost everyone with Austin, Romo, and McCoy having big weeks. Aaron Hernandez and Austin are already out with Romo questionable, but he's got Kolb, Hakeem Nicks, and Tony Gonzalez coming off the bench. It's almost unfair. The Brouhaha had a decent week as well with A-rodg and McFadden, but who could keep pace at this rate?
Hyatt's Cromartie's Foster Kid Emporium beat golfallday's Giblert Brown's Mansierre 123-83: My boys came through this week with the exception of Arian and Vernon Davis. Seriously, how can Alex Smith really be that horrible? It defies logic that he still has a job in the NFL. golfallday is in trouble, he lost Charles for the year, and may lose Felix this week, though Felix plays monday. I also got solid outings from Matty Ice, Fitty, Ryan Matthews (way to rebound guy), and Steve Smith.
>-JP-'s Indianapolis Steakhouse beat Cheezconqueso's I Wanna Rex You Up 121-94: Cheez got stuck in the week 1 performance trap and benched Fred Jackson in favor of Mike Tolbert. It would've made a difference, but JP has been smoking with his plays, with AP, Shaub, the Lions D, and Kenny Britt leading the way. Cheez was smart enough to play Ryan Fitzpatrick, but Djax's injury and Boldin's poor performance doomed him this week.
Meiz's Hyatt's Wife and My Kids beat LosinCatmansLove's Day Drinkin with Mike Vrabel 119-115: I don't think there is a Broncos fan on earth that hates the Chiefs as much as LosinCatmansLove does. They cost him this game. Meiz had phenomenal efforts from Brady and Blount, as did Catman from Vjax, Maclin, and Mike Turner. But the matchup came down to the chiefs putting up a -5, and that was the difference. People, the Chiefs (outside of Bowe) and the Seahawks aren't worth starting. Period. As soon as we all get this, the better off we'll all be.
TexWestern's Rock Me Aberderris beat shmita91's Earnest Goes to Kampman 88-86: Another close matchup, but Best and Stafford pulled Tex's team kicking and screaming to victory over the Kampmans. Shmita was doomed by Vick's concussion and despite Hillis' outing, just did not get the production he needed. The only improvement he really could've made would be to start Alex Smith, but nobody is that stupid, or prescient.
TrippingAndy's Gary Glitter's U-16 beat Yar Nivek's I WILL DESTROY HER 73-69: In your shit show matchup of the week, these two teams did not combine to outscore Saltire's team. In essence, Cam, Andre Johnson, and Witten combined to beat Rivers and Neil RAckers. These were the only players to show up. It was just sad.
On to the power rankings. We have actual Ranks You GUyz!!! Your weekly power total is how many other teams you'd beat plus 1. The rank is who has had the best two weeks combined, and we're leading off with Saltire ranked at the top. Congrats. NOTE: Editor still not working well, so Power Ranks will be fixed later