BCB Fantasy Football Preview WEEK 1

I'll be honest, I won't have time to do this every week.  BUT, I do have time this week, so why not preview ALL 3 LEAGUES in one post.

Let's get right to it...

BCB Swansons:

Hyatt's You Had Me at Meat Tornado v. BrewTownBoozer's I Just Called To Say F*ck You (Line PUSH)- We're pretty evenly matched here.  His starting RBs are going up against two REALLY tough run defenses, but My QB and Receivers are doing the same.  It'll probably come down to if the Eagles can shut down the Rams or if the Lions can shut down TB. Prediction: I will eat cool ranch doritos thursday night in my recliner watching the game, and it will be glorious.

Jeo's Come On Hakeem v TwoShoesMagooze's Need More Kolb-bell (line Jeo -2)- Jeo has a murderers row of WR out there between Fitty, Lloyd, and Vincent Jackson.  It's too bad he has to roll Flacco out there (/looks at own bench, sees matt ryan... HINT HINT JEO).  However, the Kolb-bell does have two superstars in Vick and Roddy, and I predict a breakout year for Ryan Matthews, so I could see them making this a game, and even taking it.  Prediction: I will have the wife email me my spreadsheet today so I can know who's who.

Zorakathura's I Just Want To Use Your Lovie Tonight v. MichaelM's Josh Bidwell is 1 Testy Punter (line -4)- The first victime of Peyton's injury needs help (Matt Ryan anyone?).  Knowshon and Beanie are primed for good years in John Fox's system and with a lack of competition, but Sanchez kills Zora's offense.  Michael has a solid team, though that 2nd receiver slot will hurt him.  Prediction: My son will try to distract the hell out of me during the game on Thursday, and Sunday and Monday for that matter.

Mr.Leam's Put Something Offensive Here v. (name)'s Tramon Eileen (line Leam -16)- The Lynch and Hartley injuries hurt Tramon, but even then, Eli is taking on Washington for Leam, and they're terrible.  Tramon better hope that Knox can come in and help. Prediction: I will laugh loudly at Rex Grossman's performance.

nullacct's Suh Mack Hawk v. AndrewHeidke's Orange Crush (line Push)- The one weakness I see is both team's flex positions.  It's Jacobs v. Hightower.  The battle lf a TD vulture against a fumble machine.  It's not going to be pretty.  Also, I'm not a big fan of Breesus getting a couple TDs v. that Pack secondary.  Yes he'll get yards, but they have a tendency of keeping receivers out of the endzone.  All except Jarrett Bush, who is f*cking terrible. Prediction: Me bitching about Jarrett Bush for another season (sigh).

TAPmoney's Clay with my Balls v. Officer Jim Lahey's King of the Rats (line Jim -5)- I don't trust that line, as AJ Green on the Balls will be a stud and get the ball often.  Also, neither team's d will score only 5 points.  This will be a much higher scoring matchup.   Prediction: man... f*cking Jarrett Bush for 16+ more games.... god...

BCB Kriegers

Hyatt's Cutler's Pottery Barn Gift Receipt v. Fiesta's Afterlife Aquatic with Osama Bin Laden (line Fiesta -18?!?)- Espn really loves Peyton Hillis and Dallas Clark.  But since Kerry Collins is throwing to Dallas, and Peyton Hillis will sever a leg from being on the cover of Madden, I'm not worried.  I would be if I had Hillis in another league, which I'm not sure of.  In other words, that -18 line is the biggest load of crap since that the Khian Sea. Prediction: This will not be the last bullshit line I come across.

Tepo6688's Using Your Head with James Harrison v. tcyoung's And That's How You Get Grants (line Tepo -6)- Predicted to be a relatively low scoring affair, I can't believe Tim is going in with that receiving corps.  Decide which Tim you want, but god, what a shit show. Prediction: The Thursday Jamboroo at Deadspin will be hilarious. 

Ryan Smith's Jay Cutler's Kneegina v. Icecreamman's Ice Cold Bruschis (line Ryan -14)- A lot of things I don't like about this line.  I don't see Josh Freeman putting up 20 v. the Lions, I don't see Ocho only putting up 6, and there's no f*cking way that Knowshon puts up 17.  Seriously, he's not very good at football.  Prediction: Knowshon a backup by week 4.

Masondolo's Dexter's Viking Adventure v. drzdn's Mendenhall's OBL Fan Club (line Mason -6)- Mike Tolbert will be the bane of my existence.  I love Ryan Matthews so much that I passed on a number 2 receiver to take him in the Archers league.  If you f*ck me Tolbert, I will crotch punch you.  Prediction: Damnit, he's going to f*ck me... Crotch Punch!

Noah's Kuhn Tang Klan ANTFW v. Rendezvous All The Bacon & Eggs You Have (line Vos -11)- The Flex guys should be changed out.  I don't see how Noah is such an underdog.  I really don't like Ingram, but even with that, he shouldn't be that big of a dog.  Prediction: I will be wrong on most my actual analysis.

Jarlbartar's Mississippi Dongslingers v. pjpaulus's Armageddon Day (line -16)- Another huge line, let's see why... Ahh yes, the old Flacco starter debacle.  I don't think Flacco will ever be elite, but at least he trimmed his eyebrows, so that counts for something... Prediction: messy sinks.

BCB Archers

Hyatt's Cromartie's Foster Kid Emporium v. Yar Nivek's I WILL DESTROY HER (line Kevin -11)- This is a line I don't doubt, mostly because of how terrible my 2nd receiver situation is.  Also, if Ryan Matthews does not get the bulk of the carries, I will punch Norv in the crotch.  Just as long as I don't have to look at his face.  I've seen meth addicts with less pockmarks.  Prediction: Dermatoligists to have nightmares.

Golfallday's Gilbert Brown's Mansierre v. schmita91's Earnest Goes to Kampman (line Golf -14)- When you don't have a kicker, it usually detracts from your hopes, as Schmita has found.  By the way, Espin REALLY doesn't like James Starks, or Ced Benson for that matter.  I'm in the opposite camp.  I think they are the Bees knees.  Prediction: Will make billions on knee braces for bees once they can participate in commerce.

Trippingandy's Gary Glitter's U-16 v. TexWestern's Rock Me Abberderis (line Tez -28!!!)- Biggest line of the week, and it's hard to disagree with Peyton out.  That line will shift once Andy puts in Bradford in, but I too am not a fan of his chances.  Prediction: Andy also develops Neck and Back pain from PeyPey not playing.

Cheezconqueso's I wanna Rex You Up v. the Brouhaha's Drop it Like It's Hot f. James Jones (line Brouhaha -5)- Ingram is supposedly splitting carries with Pierre Thomas, but that can't overcome the A-Rodg v. Eli advanatage the Brouahaha has.  I think Desean Jackson is not going to have the best of seasons.  Especially with him having to be franchised at the end of the year so he doesn't split town.  Prediction: Zantac sales skyrocket for Eli owners.

-JP-'s Indianapolis Steakhouse v. LosinCatmansLove's Day Drinkin' with Mike Vrabel (line -JP- -6)- My favorite thing about the Mike Vrabel DUI is that he started a car service in every NFL town for players to AVOID DUIs.  It's that kind of delicious irony that makes me love the funny name rule.  Catman was the only member of this league to miss the draft, and karmacly got stuck with Jay Cutler.  -JP- may claim to not follow football a lot, but man does he have a strong squad.  Prediction: Jay Cutler sprains ovary, misses 2nd half.

Saltire's Pippa Middleton's Hypnotic A$$ v. Meiz's Hyatt's Wife and My Kids (line Saltire -13)- two phenomenal team names, but there is no way Beanie and Hightower perform to their predicted totals.  I really hope everyone is up for the Colt's receiving targets drop in production this year.  Meiz's team has some of my favorites, including Blount and Stevie Johnson.  Watch out.  Prediction: People will discover www.kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com and will die from laughter.

Good luck everyone.