SELL OUT! A Symphony in Twenty Parts: Manny Parra Edition

Manny calls this look Blue Smoke.

[Rubie sez, by way of introduction: I've been banging the "sell everything that isn't bolted down" drum since mid-May, when it became clear that the Brewers weren't going to have enough healthy bodies to make any kind of legitimate run towards the postseason in 2012. Unfortunately, if the recent signing of Livan Hernandez -- who was apparently brought on board to fill the Designated Buffet Destroyer role that's been vacant since the terrible twosome of Ruben Quevedo and Ronnie Belliard left the Brewers' employ -- is any indication, Doug Melvin, once again and for reasons known only to him, isn't listening to me. So it's time to bring the mountain to Mohammad, in our new, twenty(ish)-part series.]

Hi! My name is MANNY PARRA. And here's why you should trade me!

2012/Career vitals: In 2012, he's 0-2, 4.91 ERA, 2.78 FIP (SHINY!), 3.43 xFIP, 9.55 K/9, 3.82 BB/9, 3.67 BABIP, 0.5 fWAR. For his career, Manny goes 24-32, 5.12 ERA, 4.32 FIP, 4.04 xFIP, 4.3 fWAR.

Also: FIP LUVS MANNY (I feel like that could be a series on Telemundo). They're expecting their third child in October.

Contract sitch: Manny's on a one-year deal that pays him $1.2 million in 2012. Next year will be his third and final year of arbitration.

DEAL ME NOW! Don't look now, but after a couple years of stubbing his toes as a starting pitcher, Parra is threatening to find a niche as a middle reliever: his K/9 remains sterling, he's dropped his BB/9 to acceptable levels, and his HR/9 is a microscopic 0.27, all of which combines into that dazzling 2.78 FIP. Yes, yes, his BABIP is still preposterous, but at this point in his career, it appears that's going to be Manny's cross to bear. Whatever: as long as he's striking out a batter an inning, he can be a useful tool in the 'pen.

Please don't read this part, opposing GMs: Of course, Manny's a touch expensive for a middle reliever, and he's only going to get more expensive next year, which makes him a luxury the Brewers don't really need. And despite the promise he's demonstrated in the bullpen, Ron Roenicke hasn't shown any indication that he's willing to use Manny in higher-leverage situations: he's only faced hitters in high leverage situations 36 times this year, as opposed to 88 PAs in low leverage situations.

Fill in the blank: Manny Parra is worth his weight in: Fritos. Not your go-to snack (nobody ever says: "Hey, grab me a bag of Fritos" when you stop at the gas station), but it works in a pinch. But if you eat too many, you feel gross.

Gratuitous note about Season Two of Downton Abbey: Man, stuff got dark in a hurry in Season Two, didn't it? Mrs. Q and I still have a couple episodes to go, so if something happy happens in the last two episodes, don't tell us, but wow: Matthew gets a spinal injury, William dies, Daisy's all prissy about marrying a dude who's going to die in like eight minutes, Ser Jorah is a fiance-menacing jerkface, and I'm pretty sure Mr. Bates killed a guy. I don't want to get all hyperbolic here, but this is the worst comedy I've watched since Girls.

Why Doug Melvin probably won't trade him: Because he's worried that Manny is going to turn into Jorge de la Rosa II with his next team. Which is dumb, not only because of the reason we've already discussed (i.e., the train on Manny as a starter has already sailed), but also because Jorge de la Rosa isn't actually all that, y'know, good.

How desperate should we be to move him, on the Rubie Q Patented Trade This Slug-O-Meter: Eh. I have a hard time getting my dander up about anything involving Manny Parra anymore. Let's give this one a 2.5.

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