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BCB Fantasy Football Week 1 Review and Power Rankings

We saw a lot of things this week so far. And with two games to go, there are a lot of matchups still up in the air, as well as Team of the Week honors. Let's start off with some features that I'm adding to this year's reviews:

The "Thanks for Nothing, Jerk" team of the week- This will be a team comprised of the lowest scoring starters of the week. I will not count guys that got injured because that's not fair. These are the guys that played the whole game and produced so little that you want them to contract some form of monkey disease. These are also guys that were started in games this week (in some cases, inexplicably). So let's see this week's losers.

QB: Sam Bradford 13

RB: Deangelo Williams 1

RB: Michael Turner 3

WR: Wes Welker 4

WR: Hakeem Nicks 7

TE: Dustin Keller 1

Flex: Toby Gerhart 2

D: Bills -3

K: Rob Bironas 1

Next up, the "Bench Players that would've crushed your squad" team of the week. There is no kicker on here because no one has a backup kicker. Also, there is only one backup defense, so they will be listed here. The requirement is that since there are 3 leagues, the player could not start in any of them. If I screw this up, don't sweat it so much since it's just Fantasy Football.

QB: RG3 31

RB: CJ Spiller 27

RB: Steven Ridley 25

WR: Pierre Garcon 23

WR: Lance Moore 27

TE: Jared Cook 10

Flex: Adrian Peterson 21

D: San Fran 5

Matchups still up in the air:

In BCB 1, Blackmon's Apologetic Cocktail has Rivers, Rice, and AJ Green to make up 44 points to beat my Sanchez's Lil Black Yearbook (HE DID). The Ice Cold Bruschis need 22 points from Torey Smith and the Ravens D to overtake Jintao Labor Camp (HE DID).

In BCB 2, Ochocinco's Casting Tape and Jopa's Blind Eye are tied, with Ocho having the Law Firm and SEABASS left going up against Jopa's Flacco (OCHO WON BY 1). Hey That's My Dick Jauran has to get 22 from Ronnie Brown and Run DMC to beat Kim John Kun (HE DID). And 50 Shades of Hayword Bay has a 10 point lead with Gates and AJ Green going against Lil Sebastian Janikowski's Ray Rice (50 WON).

In BCB 3, Ocho Benoit has a 7 point lead with AJ Green still to play, trying to hold off Rusty Zombones who still have Seabass, Ravens D, and Run DMC (Zombones Crushed it).

Team of the Week Race

Flood the Zone with Cheryl Tunt has set the pace well with a great 168.5 led by Arodg, Brandon Marshall, Kevin Smith, and Reggie Wayne. Stomp the Yard with Ndamakung Suh has put up 155.5 and still has Gates to go, and Cam, I Wish I Was Your Lover has put up 132.5 with McFadden (Run DMC) and Darius Heyword Bay left. UPDATE: And neither team caught the Tunts. So Congrats to aaronetc for this season's Inaugural Team of the Week. Brought to you by Tapenade.

Tapenade & football, the perfect combination.

Power Ranks and more coming later this week. Now most of you know the drill. Feel free to blast your under performers in the comments. I know there's a special place in hell for Mason Crosby, Deangelo Williams, and the asshole who busted Fred Jackson's knee.

UPDATE

Games are over, it's time to dish out two more pieces of hardware.

The Yar Nivek How The Hell Did They Win award- This award goes to the lowest scoring team that won. It is named in honor of Yar Nivek who it took me a whole fantasy season to properly spell his name, and also accumulated 10 wins in a year despite being the 27th highest scoring team in a 36 team 3 league set up. This week's winner is Masondlo, who took home a victory despite being the 21st out of 30 in points.

The Tobias Funke WHERE THE F*CK ARE MY HARD BOILED EGGS award- This award goes to the highest scoring team that lost. Named for Tobias Funke because ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT IS SHOOTING THEIR NEXT SEASON!!! WOOOOOOO!!!! This week's poor sap is jarlbartar, who lost despite scoring the 9th most points. Sorry buddy, there's always next week.

Power Ranks are below. Nothing out of the ordinary, though next week is where the formula comes in. That formula is that you are ranked by how many teams you would've beaten that week. aaronetc scored the most points, so he's the top, My Unidentified Rob Ryan's Van Stains and Doubleb440's Supreme Leader Kim John Kuhn scored the least, so we are tied for the last spot.

Everyone have a good week, don't overreact, and have fun. Preview coming Thursday.

BCB Name Team Name League Wk 1 Pts Wk 1 Pow Wins
aaronetc Flood the Zone w/ Cheryl Tunt 2 166.5 30 1
Mr Leam Cam, I Wish I was your lover 1 163.5 28.5 1
Fiesta Stomp The Yard ft. N. Suh 1 163.5 28.5 1
tcyoung Rusty Zombone 3 150.5 27 1
brewerspug Working To Shiva's Bush 3 147.5 26 1
BrewGuyTim Spiking the Ball 3 147 25 1
Zorakathura Burn in Harrell 3 145.5 24 1
ObiBraunKenobi Raiders of the lost Glory Hole 2 141.5 23 1
jarlbartar Soapin Up with Jerry's Kids 3 137.5 22 0
JEO Unemployed Honey Badgers 1 136.5 20.5 0
Hyatt Man-Sploosh 2 136.5 20.5 1
Icecreamman Ice Cold Bruschis 1 129.5 18.5 1
CheezeConQueso Finley Shades of Gray 1 129.5 18.5 1
kfeyzi Ochocinco's Casting Tape 2 128 17 1
texwestern JoPas Blind Eye 2 127 16 0
tepo6688 Jintao Athletic Labor Camp 1 124 15 0
jerryheldred 50 Shades of Heyword-Bey 2 122.5 14 1
rendezvous Mustached Americans 2 119.5 13 0
Dikembe Meiz Ocho Benoit 3 117 12 0
Golfallday Lil Sebastian Janikowski 2 115.5 11 0
Yar Nivek Man Gets Hit By Football 3 112.5 10 1
Masondlo Blackmon's Apologetic Cocktail 1 107.5 9 1
arfuture1985 Hey That's My Dick Jauron 2 105 8 0
Olyknows Saints $10k Sack Attack 1 104.5 7 0
Noah Jarosh Somebody that I used to So'oto 3 104 6 0
Hyatt Sanchez's Lil Black Yearbook 1 103.5 5 0
brewcrewbrian Jerry Sandusky's Little Giants 1 101.5 4 0
JP The Duke Silver Experience 3 101 3 0
DoubleB440 Supreme Leader Kim John 2 100.5 1.5 0
Hyatt Unidentified Rob Ryan Van 3 100.5 1.5 0

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