FanPost

Baseball World Championship Belt Update: Don't F with the Farns

In retrospect, it should have been so obvious. The Cardinals are probably a better team than the Mets. Plus, they only needed to take two of four to keep the belt. It had all been so promising just a week prior. After taking the Belt from the rival Milwaukee Brewers in Milwaukee with 2-1 series win, the Cards dispatched the Washington Nationals 2-1 in D.C. to defend the belt. Spirits ran high. Yadiar Molina spent his free time designing an even uglier neck tattoo to commemorate a third straight series with the Belt. It was a fine drawing of himself spitting on an umpire. But Yadi didn't count on one thing. The rest of the Cards could be forgiven for forgetting one thing. And that one thing is Kyle Farnsworth. The one who did this.

Farnsworth, signed in the offseason by the Mets, had this series circled from the beginning of the season. He knew if things broke the right way, he could hoist the belt over his head whilst screaming over the charred remains of BBQ'd Red Bird. He watched gleefully as the Brewers brought the Belt to the National league. Stroking his beloved bulldog Rambo, he cackled as the Crew swept the Pirates. Then, as he fed nails and steak to his other bulldog, Strike, he heard the news on the radio. The Cardinals had the Belt. If it survived a trip through the District, St. Louis would bring the Belt to Queens. TO HIS HOUSE! He monitored the series in his dungeon, periodically breaking up fights between Strike and Rambo while snacking on barbed wire and the failed dreams of the millennials. He did not cheer when the Cardinals took two of three. No, the Farns simply said a prayer with his bulldogs, and doggedly drove to Citi Field to begin his preparations for the four game set.

He got the save on Monday. The Cardinals won game two, but the Farns did not panic. In fact, he enjoyed the possibility that Cardinals Nation had gotten their hopes up. He delivered a backbreaking save in Game 3. When the skipper called his name to finish off Thursday's game four, he simply said no. The damage was done. Let Matsuzaka throw his gyro ball. He had already delivered a concrete fist to the Cardinals kidneys and his other hand was already inches away from the Belt. And the Farns was right. The Farns is always right. Molina tried, unsuccessfully to get his deposit back from his tattoo artist. The Belt is in Queens. Will it be taken by the Marlins this weekend? It depends on whether or not Kyle Farnsworth allows it.

Standings:

  1. Milwaukee Brewers: 3 Series
  2. St. Louis Cardinals: 2 Series
  3. New York Mets: 1 Series
  4. Boston Red Sox: 1 Series
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