If Brewers players were superheroes

Tom Lynn

In honor of National Superhero Day, let's look at who various Brewers would be if they existed in fictional universes.

For whatever reason, it seems like each day of the calender year is 'something day'. April 26 was National Pretzel Day. February 14 is Valentine's Day. So on and so forth.

Yesterday, April 28, was apparently dubbed National Superhero Day. I'm not entirely sure what that entails. Should people have been dressed in the costume of their favorite Marvel character at work? Should we have gone out seeking bank robbers to fight? Maybe the nerdy guys should put on a mask and go kiss Mary-Jane Watson [first dibs!]? Beats the stuffing out of me what is supposed to happen on National Superhero Day.

So, rather than do something more superhero-y, I decided to give a thought as to which superheroes different Brewers would be, were they to be superheroes. Without further ado:

Carlos Gomez is the Incredible Hulk

I'll let Derek cover this one:

"Carlos Gomez should be the Incredible Hulk. Bruce Banner just wants to live his life and do the right thing, but when people abuse him in some fashion he turns into the Hulk who defends himself with his rage. Hulk may look like a monster on the outside, but he's really just misunderstood and ultimately just wants to be left alone to live his life too."

Carlos Gomez just wants to play baseball, guys. He just so happens to like to have fun, too. Stop making him angry! You obviously don't like him when he's angry.

Jonathan Lucroy is Captain America

There isn't really one thing that is 'spectacular' about Jonathan Lucroy, probably. He's just above-average to very good at pretty much anything to do with baseball. Similarly, Captain America doesn't have any real powers -- he's just really good at doing stuff (though he's made better by his serum [crap, maybe Ryan Braun should be Captain America]). Both are knowledgeable, and Lucroy's batting glove and catching gear are kinda like Captain America's shield.

Jean Segura is The Flash

I reckon this is one of the more obvious comparisons on the team. Jean Segura is really, really fast. The fastest guy on the team, probably. At the very least, it's a toss-up between he and Gomez. Segura also features the lightning-fast reflexes at shortstop, frequently making dazzling plays. I don't think Flash is all that physically strong, at least compared to other superheroes. Similarly, Segura doesn't have a ton of power compared to other baseball players.

Kyle Lohse is Hawkeye

Hawkeye has no superpowers. Kyle Lohse does not have the greatest physical tools. Instead, they both rely on conditioning (Lohse consistently throws for 200 innings and has rarely gotten hurt over his career. They also both need to fire projectiles accurately in order to be successful.

Ryan Braun is Spiderman

Again, let's let Derek take this:

He's a normal guy that gets bit by a radioactive spider giving him super powers. He tries to become a superhero. People love him in New York (his hometown) but the newspaper man J. Jonah Jameson (ESPN) has it out for him and turns every good deed Spiderman does into some kind of criminal action.

Also keep in mind that Ryan Braun also looked pretty dorky when he was younger, and also got the gorgeous girl. Also (R-Rated sentence ahead:) Braun has been assumed to sling his web fairly often. Sorry for writing that.

Mark Reynolds is DareDevil

Mark Reynolds, it has been discovered, is actually blind. It's crazy, I know. When you watch him hit monster dingers you wouldn't think it. When you see his grace making great plays at first base this year, you wouldn't think it. Similarly, if you saw DareDevil kick bad guys butts, you wouldn't originally assume he was blind, either.

Ned Yost is Phil Coulson

Let's let JP tell you why:

He's the guy that organizes the team and then gets killed off when they need a push to get the heroes to the end victory.

I'll argue day and night that Yost was a good manager for the rebuilding Brewers who needed to rely on youth. It's when they couldn't get over the hump that he was axed.

Russell Branyan is Thor

Because he is a god with the strongest hammer.

Khris Davis is Aquaman

JP recommended this one, saying that both are useless outside of their natural habitat. Aquaman kinda needs water and aquatic wildlife to do much of anything. If he needed to fight someone in Nebraska, he's screwed. JP argues that outside of left field, Khris Davis is pretty useless as he can't play anywhere else.

I'm going to go ahead and disagree just a bit: Khris Davis's natural habitat is not at any defensive position, but at the plate. He's not really a good defender in left field, either. Good enough, but his real habitat is when he can swing at some pitches.

Yuniesky Betancourt is Stone Boy

His powers: "Turns self into stone, at which point he becomes immobile."

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