Status of communication to government leaders in limbo pending further investigation.
By GoldenFrank, Beat Writer, Night Owl, Irrelevant Meme Regurgitator.
In a series of events that has literally never happened before, the National League Central leading Milwaukee Brewers lost consecutive contests June 24th and 25th. As if Monday's 3-0 slaughtering at the hands of 2012 3rd place Cy Young vote-winner Gio Gonzalez and the Nationals wasn't embarrassing enough, the Brew Crew went out and was absolutely humiliated in 16 innings by 2013 All-Star and Cy Young candidate Jordan Zimmermann, along with the Nationals' NL leading bullpen. The back-to-back losses threaten to shatter an already fragile BCB psyche.
When asked for comments, Brewers personnel seemed non-plussed. Manager Ron Roenicke had little to say: "BCB? What's that. Is that that Spanish talk I hear the boys use in the clubhouse after my presentations on the contact play? Beisbol Con Bunting? We just call that baseball where I come from fella."
2011 NL MVP Ryan Braun, who drove in a measly 2 runs in Tuesdays's contest had "no comment" directing all questions to his secretary. Unfortunately, Mr. Weeks had already left the clubhouse.
Bench Coach Jerry Narron had originally agreed to an interview, but was unavailable due to a calligraphy related injury in the 12th inning of Tuesday's marathon contest. Narron appeared to be injured when making yet another change to his already heavily altered line-up card. He is listed as day-to-day with a "dead wrist".
It's going to be a tough road from here on out at BCB. This is the worst thing that's happened to the Brewers in like, forever. Suicide hotlines have been alerted to expect an influx of calls should the Brewers do the unthinkable and lose a third game tomorrow to wunderkind Stephen Strasburg. Businesses in the financial district have already been seen beefing up security against potential looters. Alternatively, should this team full of horrible baseball players do the unthinkable and actually win a game, the World Series parade planning committee (which immediately cancelled tomorrow's meeting following the extra innings loss) will reconvene next Wednesday afternoon as scheduled.