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Fifty Ways To Leave Milwaukee

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Here's a quick musical interlude for the weekend. Most of the credit for it belongs to nullacct: I pitched him the idea and a few lines, but the best parts belong to him.


Sung to the tune of Paul Simon's 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

 

"The problem is Milwaukee can't compete", he said to me
The answer is quite logical, sabermetrically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave Milwaukee

He said it's not really my habit to kibitz
But I can see that being in Milwaukee gives you fits
There's twenty-nine other teams that could employ your mitts
There must be fifty ways to leave Milwaukee
Fifty ways to leave Milwaukee

Find a new endeavor, Trevor.
Go hide in a cave, Dave.
No need to be sad, Brad
Just get yourself free
There's no words to mince, Prince
Don't need a press conference
Time to redeploy, LaTroy
And test free agency

Find a new endeavor, Trevor.
Go hide in a cave, Dave.
No need to be sad, Brad
Just get yourself free
There's no words to mince, Prince
Don't need a press conference
Time to redeploy, LaTroy
And test free agency

He said it grieves me greatly to see your career done ill
It's obvious that Kansas City is dying for your skill
I said I appreciate your words, and please explain
About the fifty ways

He said why don't you visit my office in La Paz
He gave me a business card with gold letters embossed
That was the day I was shown the light by Scott Boras
There must be fifty ways to leave Milwaukee
Fifty ways to leave Milwaukee

Find a new endeavor, Trevor.
Go hide in a cave, Dave.
No need to be sad, Brad
Just get yourself free
There's no words to mince, Prince
Don't need a press conference
Blame the economy, C.C.
And test free agency

Find a new endeavor, Trevor.
Go hide in a cave, Dave.
No need to be sad, Brad
Just get yourself free
There's no words to mince, Prince
Don't need a press conference
Time to redeploy, LaTroy
And test free agency