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What A Horrible Day To Have A Curse!

Open up your imagination, gentle reader, and walk with me for a moment on a journey that's probably slightly longer than it needs to be but does have a point at the end if you stick with it that long.

Imagine tonight you awaken from a deep sleep, and feel a strong urge to go to Miller Park*. You roll over and try to go back to sleep, but you can't. So finally you get up, get dressed and go to your car.

* - You're reading BCB during the offseason, so odds are you feel a strong urge to go to Miller Park most of the time. In this case the urge is stronger than usual.

You arrive at the ballpark and pause for a moment before getting out of the car. "Should I be doing this?" you ask aloud. But the pull is strong, so you park and get out. A gate is open, and you walk inside. It slams shut behind you.

Now you have no choice, so you head toward the field. You see a strange, dark substance pooled ahead. "Is that blood?" you wonder. But it turns out it was just some spilled Secret Stadium Sauce. Apparently cleanup from Farm Aid isn't done yet.

You finally reach the field and, without thinking, you jump the fence. The pull is so strong now that you follow it without thinking. It leads you into the Brewer dugout, and through a tunnel into the clubhouse. You can see a light on behind a closed door labeled "Manager's Office." The doorknob is hot, but you open it anyway.

Someone has set the desk on fire. A shadowy figure sits behind it. The figure points to a chair, but it doesn't look comfortable, so you say you'd rather stand. After seeing the chair selection in Ken Macha's former office, you now understand why no one took advantage of his "open door policy."

"Today," the figure says, "I have come to establish justice. The Brewers' crimes against baseball have gone unpunished for too long. The consequences will not soon be forgotten.

"First, all 2011 Brewer games will be televised exclusively on WMLW.

"Second, the wave will be performed at Miller Park, ceaselessly and without fail, from the first pitch to the final out of every home game.

"Finally, for one season, you must choose one of the following three candidates to manage."