[Rubie sez: this is too good to keep off the front page.]
It seems that our community has been very emotionally charged over the last couple of days for obvious reasons. We all cheer hard for the Brewers and want them to beat the Cards and advance to the World Series and in the process we get very agitated and nervous when things don't go the right way. So, I figured maybe I can help to lighten up the mood by introducing some commentary that I get to hear during the Brewers playoff games from Russian announcers.
I happen to reside in Armenia and my satellite channel is ESPN America, which transmits games over the territory of the former Soviet Union. Thus, the announcers are Russian, commenting on the game in Russian for all the people who happen to tune in for these games in the former Soviet republics.
With all that said, here's the countdown (my own comments in parentheses):
(1) "Lance Berkman is on first base. He's a huge threat to steal a base here and Brewers should be very careful." (Announcer pauses to look up some stats which don't back up his claim.)
"Although he has stolen only two bases this whole season he had a season with 18 steals several years ago and stole 100 over his entire career." (That's 12 years total.)
(2) "Hairston has been getting clutch hits this series, just as he did in the previous round against the Phillies."
(3) "Ron Roenick chose to have Marcum pitch in Game 2 because he has been pitching much better at Miller Park than on the road." (Marcum's splits are 4.81 ERA at home, 2.21 ERA on the road.)
(4) "Ron Roenick (I'm misspelling this intentionally that's how they pronounce his name) has made a call to the bullpen and Latrell Hawkins will come in to pitch for the Brewers."
(5) (With Lance Lynn on TV seen warming up and his name written on the bottom of the screen)
"I wonder who Tony LaRussa will bring in to pitch the next inning? Probably Dotel."
(6) "I think that's Johnathan Oxford lying on the ground stretching his arm in the bullpen, I can't see his face entirely but based on that weird beard it's probably him."
(7) "La Russa has called for Arthur Rhodes who is a lefty to face Fielder to get a lefty-lefty matchup. With the first base open he will most definitely signal to his pitcher to issue an intentional walk."
(8) "Brewers have a fairly large contingent of players from Mexico: Yovani Gallardo, Marco Estrada, and Jerry Hairston Jr."
(One has to be fair, though: Hairston's mother has Mexican heritage.)
(9) "Carlos Gomez is pinch-hitting probably for Nyjer Morgan."
(TV shows Nyjer Morgan in the on-deck circle.)
(10) "This thing that the Brewers do after getting base hits has been invented by Nyjer Morgan, who is Mr. Tweeter. It means 'Hello, I'm a bear.'"
and a bonus
(11) "Brewers have three superstars on their roster: Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun and Yuniesky Betancourt, who is Mr. Golden Hands and has been excellent defensively. It was a great trade pickup by the Brewers."