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Brewers rumored to be pursuing Pedro Alvarez

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YAAASS DINGERS

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Adam Lind has been traded to the Mariners, we all know that. What do we know about the three guys Milwaukee got in return? Not a whole lot. Do I have insight to offer you on that point? Not in the slightest. Derek's got a little bit: long live acceptable!  What am I doing here? DINGERS:

Oh, hell yes.

Look, someone's going to have to play first base, because if no one does then it's going to be really tough to get guys out on all the grounders that Zach Davies is going to induce. Jason Rogers is the in house candidate, and that might be acceptable. I'm not interested in acceptable. I'm interested in dingers.

Is Alvarez a defensive liability? Yeah, kind of. Okay, more than kind of. Okay he's terrible.

Okay whatever Pat I don't care. Look at his beard! That is a 70-grade beard. And did I mention the dingers? Go look at that picture up top. How scared is that ball right now? You can almost see the terror as it sails forward toward its doom, knowing it's about to have it's very soul forcibly ripped out through it's stitching. If balls could talk, this one would be screaming for mercy. This isn't the Notre Dame, my friend. You'll find no sanctuary here. In the cathedrals of baseball, there is but one sacrament, and it is delivered with ash.

Projected by MLB Trade Rumors to make $8.1 million in his final year of arbitration, the Pirates chose to non-tender the 28-year-old, making him a free agent. Alvarez has been a pretty consistent commodity at the plate: he's posted a wRC+ of exactly 112 or 114 in four of his six MLB seasons, and Steamer has him projected for the former in 2016. He strikes out a ton, we all know this, although he's actually dropped his K% from a solid 30% to around 25% the past two seasons. He was a 2-3 win player in 2012 and 2013, but has dropped off to pretty close to replacement level the past two seasons (0.0 and 0.2 fWAR), mostly because his defensive contributions have been bad and magnified at a position that, as it turns out, is really heavily involved in getting guys out.

Maybe the Brewers can fix the defense. Maybe they can't! Maybe Jason Rogers is a really talented guy and deserves a shot to start every day. I don't know. Here's what I know: I would really prefer to have Alvarez doing this for the Brewers, instead of against them.

Long live dingers.