Don't Screw Up the Free-Shirt Vote This Time

Folks, we've got a major election coming up, and with so much at stake, it's important to have a dialogue about the major issues. We're going to talk about some things today, but above all, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to get out and vote. A lot of people have that "Well, my vote won't really count" attitude, but just remember that every vote that goes uncast is a vote for the other side.

I'm speaking, of course, about the Fan Vote for the Brewers Free-Shirt Friday giveaway, which ends tomorrow. Last year, the Brewers let us choose which seven of twelve t-shirt designs would be given away to fans on select Friday home games, and even though we completely blew it, they're giving us a shot at redemption. Only one of the designs that wasn't selected last season returns for another shot, and it's the clear-cut favorite.

Folks, I'm asking you to make the right choice here, but I don't expect you to do it alone. I know many of you might have bad opinions, so I'm here to set y'all straight. Here are the 12 designs, ranked, so you know exactly which way to go.

The No-Brainers

This is the shirt that returns for another chance at glory, getting a slight makeover after showing up to the party in black a year ago. I would wear the crap out of this shirt. It is completely flawless, and I swear to God if y'all don't vote this through I will fill this website with Taylor Swift gifs until the end of days. I. Want. This. Shirt.

This is another excellent shirt. I forgot about the balloons being released when he slid down into the mug, you guys! Miller Park is great, but boy, do I miss Bernie's Chalet -- his dugout is just not the same. Of course as most of you know, you can still find the mug at Lakefront Brewery, though insurance concerns have 86'd the slide itself. I still keep my coins in a Bernie's Chalet bank in my apartment, because I am actually 11 years old.

Pretty Good

Simple, elegant, tasteful, refined. These are four words that I know, and they might describe this shirt -- I have not looked them up in the dictionary. This t-shirt fits in just as well at the ballpark as it does at your local fine dining establishment, like Olive Garden or Chili's. This shirt is so classy, Cam Newton isn't even allowed to look at it, let alone put it on.

This one's got the background that hearkens back to the old 90s logo which was not only bad in it's own right, but it replaced one of the all-time greatest sports logos and represented a dark time in Brewers history -- Milwaukee never finished higher than third in the old navy blue and green. However, it is a part of the team's history, and incorporating it with the "retro" colors that have unofficially taken over at Miller Park and the old state-themed secondary logo is an interesting design.

We don't get a back view of any of the shirts, so we don't know if this is regular shirsey with "AARON 44" on the back or not, but none of the previous designs have had anything on the back except for the sponsor's logo, so we have to assume it's not. If it is, bump it up close to the top of this category. Either way, pretty good shirt.

Yeah, That's Fine

This is fine. I get what they're trying to do. It looks like the shirts your senior class sold to you for $15 to commemorate high school, back when you thought that being in high school was actually good and a thing you'd look back on fondly. If you're in reading this and you are currently in high school, I'm just kidding, high school is totally awesome, definitely go to senior prom and take lots of pictures of yourself looking like a giant dork in braces and an ill-fitting suit. My high school experience may have been different from yours. Please do not shove me into a locker, here is my milk money, kind sir.

This is it, these are the seven shirts you should be voting for. This one's very simple, and although it's technically got the Brewers old M logo there in yellow, it's sort of disguised. My concern here is that you could very easily wear this and have people fail to identify it as a Brewers shirt, but Milwaukee is going to be pretty bad for a few years so that might actually be a positive.

Meh

No no, I get it. They're the Brewers, it's a bottle cap shape, beer comes in bottles sometimes. I'm right there with ya. It was close, I guess if you really wanted to you could take this over the home plate design above. I'm sort of over the current logo and color scheme in general, and I'm anxiously awaiting the official switch back to the old colors and the ball and glove logo during the inevitable rebranding that accompanies every sports team coming out of a rebuild.

Meh. Whatever. This is certainly a shirt. It's got two arm holes and everything.

There's nothing wrong with this shirt, it just lacks originality. They literally just took the old Barrelman logo, slapped it on a gray shirt and called it a day. I could do that and so could you. Now, given some of the choices below, the lack of originality doesn't seem so bad, because we're about to dip into some pretty horrific designs. Bear with me, folks.

Why Would You Do That

Camouflage used to serve a purpose -- it was utilized by military units and hunters in order to blend into the environment, therefore lessening the chances of being spotted and increasing the chances of a successful mission or hunt. That is good. What is not good is that at some point, some jabroni came along and said to himself, "Say, what if we put camouflage on just about daggum everything?" Even worse, he didn't keep his terrible idea to himself, but instead spread his fool plan to clothing designers nationwide. What resulted from this terrible man's hair-brained scheme is this monstrosity that should only ever be used as a rag when you're working on your car in the garage (is this a thing? I can barely change a tire) or as a shirt you pretend is your favorite so that your girlfriend takes it instead of your real favorite shirt (also, is this a thing? No one has ever loved me).

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What are you doing? Stop that. This nonsense looks like something the street vendors hawking unlicensed apparel outside U.S. Cellular Field would try to pass off on you for $5 if they all packed up shop and headed north to bother Brewers fans for a year. Why is there a flag? If this were the Cubs with their "W" or the Pirates with their Jolly Rodger, sure, that's great. But the Brewers have no flag associated with them...are y'all gonna try to make that a thing? I support this, but it better be something cooler that Brew Nation. Get this outta here. I am going to be so mad when this is the dang shirt they give away on my birthday weekend. Never let the internet decide anything.

Alright, that does it, folks. Polling ends tomorrow, so make sure you get over to the Brewers page and cast your vote, unless you plan to vote for the dumb flag thing, in which case please just do something else for a couple days.