Folks, with the Brewers currently on a year-to-year lease with their Spring Training facility in Maryvale and Mark Attanasio's recent comments that the team could consider moving to Florida should they fail to find a partnership to give the Brewers a new, state-of-the art facility near Phoenix, I thought it was high time we start to imagine what a move to the Grapefruit League might mean for Milwaukee. Florida is, of course, home to Walt Disney World, the Happiest Place on Earth and the destination of choice for grown men who just won Super Bowls nation wide.To that end, I present to you today a handful of Disney's most famous princesses, re-imagined as your 2016 Milwaukee Brewers.
So, that was my half-hearted attempt at justifying this. The real reason I did this is because I love you and I thought you deserved to have it. Happy Friday.
Elsa's is a story of redemption. Co-starring with her sister Anna in the 2013 smash-hit Frozen, Elsa is supremely powerful and unnaturally gifted, a trait that sets her apart at an early age. Unfortunately, Elsa's power becomes a bit too much and when the public learns of it's true nature, she finds herself exiled. Having hurt those who loved her the most, Elsa eventually returns to try to make right the damage she caused. You probably know where this is heading:
Elsa is Ryan Braun. The Hebrew Hammer has yet to write the ending of his redemption story, as he's been a shell of his former MVP self since returning from his 65-game suspension in 2013. Now one of the team's oldest players -- of the players on the 40-man roster, only Aaron Hill is older -- Braun's timeline for saving the day and restoring his status as a hero in Milwaukee is running short.
Ariel just wasn't happy with being a mermaid. Which you know, I get, because having legs is dope, and trust me fam, none of y'all want me going around without a shirt on all the time. For a while, all she could talk about was how she wanted more, and she went on so much that she ended up alienating her friends under the sea for a little bit. Then, she decided to give up her voice in order to hopefully get what she wanted.
Ariel is Jonathan Lucroy. (Yes I realize there is a Brewer whose name is actually Ariel, but I am more creative than you.) The Brewers' starting catcher has been vocal over the past year or so about wanting more and being unhappy with the Brewers current rebuilding situation, to the point of angering a good portion of the fan base. Lately, it seems Lucroy has started to understand that perhaps the best way to get what he wants is to pipe down and play good baseball.
One of the OGs of Disney princesses, Cinderella was stuck under the heel of a wicked stepmother for most of her young life. Given a chance at glory, Cinderella grabbed her opportunity with both hands -- yet too soon, her time was up, and the shimmer fell away to reveal a pitiful reality.
It's Will Middlebrooks! The erstwhile prospect came up in the evil Boston Red Sox organization, and though he showed a brief flash of promise in his debut season, Middlebrooks quickly turned into a pumpkin and has been discarded by both Boston and San Diego before now landing in Milwaukee. Do the Brewers have the matching glass slipper to make Middlebrooks look like royalty again? And if not, will he be willing to cut off his toes to make it fit anyway?
Merida, the heroine of Brave, the 2012 film set in Medieval Scotland, is very young and talented. Not only is she the greatest archer in the land, she's also highly skilled with the spear and sword, and she excels at horseback riding. A young, multi-talented firecracker? Let me guess:
I see you, Orlando Arcia. The 21-year-old toolshed is the man to whom so many hopes are pinned to for Brewers fans, and we may just end up seeing those dreams realized later this summer. Hopefully Arcia doesn't turn Craig Counsell into a bear, though if he did I have to think that his success rate in replay challenges is going to go up. I'd like to see Angel Hernandez try to tell a damn black bear that he's wrong.
A freaking nerd who spends all their time reading books? Consistently chased by the most attractive, fit and popular people of the opposite sex to whom the time of day is never given? Finds themselves in tumultuous romantic relationships that often result in shouting matches? Spends a lot of time locked away in a basement and passes the time by talking to inanimate objects that are considered good friends? OH YEAH BABY:
IT. ME. Belle is Travis, your favorite online baseball blogger. Like Belle I, and many of my baseball blogging contemporaries, spend way too much doing nerd things like looking at numbers instead of watching the game. Also like Belle, I am considered extremely smart and good looking but unfortunately remain a bit of a societal outcast because I'm a bit of a weirdo.
All Mulan ever wanted was a chance. Determined not to let her injured father face certain death by going off to war, Mulan decides to go in his place. However, women aren't allowed to fight, so she must disguise herself. The ruse works, but she is still mocked, for she is too small and skinny to be a true warrior. Or is she?
Josh Hader is Mulan. He possesses the stuff to make him a quality starter in the big leagues, but some scouts continue to insist he's nothing more than a high-leverage reliever because his small frame and max effort delivery will break down over a full season's work. Yet Hader continues to shove as a starter, and has rocketed up prospect lists.