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Let's get mad about the Brewers first Spring Training lineup

The Brewers have released the lineup for their Spring Training opener against the UW-Milwaukee Panthers and I, for one, am furious

Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

The Brewers are finally back to game action today, as they'll take on the Panthers of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee this afternoon. This morning, the Brewers official Twitter account released the team's lineup for today's tilt, and since its the first piece of on-field news we've had since last October, I'm going to over-analyze the bejesus out of it. But first! The particulars:

Where: Maryvale Baseball Park
When: 2:05 CST
How you can watch: Get on a plane and go to Maryvale
Spread: Panthers by 15 IMO. Go Panthers!

2B Colin Walsh

Wow, look at this. Not only does it appear that Walsh has already supplanted Scooter Gennett in the lineup, he's also going to be leading off the year for Milwaukee. They're putting a lot of faith in this guy after selecting him in the Rule 5 draft. That's bold.

SS Orlando Arcia

Well, what do you know!? Arcia will be the Brewers starting shortstop in 2016 after all, skipping right past Triple-A. That's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see how it plays out for them. If Arcia doesn't win Rookie of the Year this year, the rebuild is a failure and Stearns should be fired.

RF Domingo Santana

No surprise here. Santana is probably one of the two of three best players in the league in my opinion, and belongs right in the middle of the Brewers lineup. Nailed it.

DH Will Middlebrooks

Sure, yeah.

LF Rymer Liriano

Wow, this is a bit of a shocker, but it looks like the Brewers have just totally given up on the idea that Liriano can play center field. Oh well, it was a fun idea, but it looks like it's back to the drawing board on that one. Ryan Braun is hurt, again, obviously, so that's why he's not in the lineup today. Which is good because he is actually a cheater and I'm mad as heck about it.

1B Chris Carter

Are you kidding me!? We shelled out $2.5 million for this jabroni to only his sixth!? Why not give Jason Rogers a chance? He played pretty we- oh, he what? He was? Well is Mat Gamel still hurt?

CF Brett Phillips

Oh, wow. You know, after playing just 54 games at the Double-A level, I was out here telling folks to hold their horses about seeing Phillips in Milwaukee this season, but I guess I've been proven wrong. Maverick is obviously the front runner for what was thought to be a wide open race for the center field job at this point.

3B Hernan Perez

Wow, this team is obviously tanking if we're giving the third base job to this guy. No point in showing up to the ballpark this season, because baseball is only good and fun when the team I root for is certain to win. In all other cases this sport is actually bad.

C Manny Piña

What's wrong with Jonathan Lucroy? What are the Brewers hiding? Has he been traded? This is almost as big as the Hank conspiracy, folks. WHERE IS LUCROY!?

Wow this team is terrible, folks. It's going to be a long season, bring a book.