MrLeam's Brewers Baseball Prospectus Quiz

As every proper, decent member of the good BCB community knows, baseball would be immensely improved if they removed the baseball aspects from the game immediately and concentrated solely on the pointless emphemera that surrounds the sport. With this in mind, the best part of every Baseball Prospectus annual is when they get away from the pontificating around spin rates, VORP and the velocity of Tony Sipp's pitches and concentrate on trying to make the player capsule reports creative and downright weird. Like the time they deliberately baited all right-thinking Americans by making a subtle Marxist reference to the "means of production" of Jason Bourgeois.

Anyway, Spring Training is around, Baseball Prospectus 2017 is out and I can take my mind off more important matters. Such as, what on earth am I doing living in England? Why the hell can TalkTalk not sort out my broadband properly? What type of fucked-up phone company gives themselves the stupid, infantile name of TalkTalk? (What next? A food company called EatEat? A TV station called WatchWatch? FuckFuck condoms?) More importantly, why have I just found out that over the last couple of years I've paid £1,500 (currently, due to the strength of the pound, about $3.71) in insurance for a house I no longer live in?

So, before I return to sorting out my life (or, more likely, rediscovering great hip-hop tracks like this, this and, errr, this example of hardcore thugged-out gangsta rap), here's a quiz based on the latest Baseball Prospectus. I've taken out all the dull, insipid references to various bits of baseball crap and left in the interesting stuff. See if you can guess which Brewers players (Major or Minor) were described in the following ways:

1) "Is there anything better, as an empiricist, that to encounter cases that consistently disprove hypotheses or outlast expectations or even call into question measurement assumptions and tools? Stat-heads throw around the small-sample-size moniker and love regressions to the mean, but they infrequently bask in the total glory of falsifiability, paradigm shifts or the social constructions of their measurement... Revisit those hypotheses, revisit those methods, and consider the alternate interpretations of your prospect grades: XXXX is one player who demonstrates the joy in being wrong within your worldview. Who's next? Or, when do you change your worldview?"

2) "Have you ever driven a car around the main drag in your city, just blasting your favourite jam with all the windows down and not a care in the world? That feeling is what it's like to watch XXXX play. There's danger in the swing, as XXXX generates hard contact when he squares the baseball up and it creates lofty fly balls that land safely over the fence... There's swing-and-miss in the profile, but he has the tools to overcome that"

3) "When the alchemists devised the Philosopher's Stone, their goal was nothing short of balancing the universe in order to attain immortality. Modern science followed suit, with such a luminary as Rene Descartes declaring on his deathbed that this problem of death would be solved by science. Unfortunately, neither science nor alchemy have proven effective in the search of immortality , so they turned to the pursuit of MLB player development and scouting. XXXX has baffled the modern universe by making considerable adjustments at the MLB level, first between his 2013 and 2014 campaigns, and now within the 2016 season. The sheer audacity of XXXX's second half resurgence is a shot in favour of the philosopher's stone, a resounding demonstration of immortality via player development..."

4) "The Beatles rooftop concert taught its viewing public that Ringo Starr was absolutely the most talented of the Fab Four, and probably the most revolutionary to boot. Yet Starr willingly, even dutifully, took his place at the kit so his bandmates could take the more obvious spotlight. Astute listeners probably knew from the beginning that Ringo was indeed the most talented Beatles player, and absolutely the best Beatle member for his ability to take on a role that assured him less notoreity throughout his career. What the uber-talented Starr knew - and this most certainly applies to the most patient and talented fourth outfielders as well - is that sometimes you need to take the back seat so that George, John and Paul can have their chances"

5) "When does a utility player prove they can start, as opposed to simply continuing to serve as a utility player?"

6) "By now you already know it, but it's worth repeating: "age ain't nothing but a number".... He has ample tools to make it happen, be it in the rotation or the bullpen, carving out his own uncanny career arc"

Stick answers/guesses in the comments. Or, failing that, help me sort out my inability to sensibly manage my own finances...