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Milwaukee Brewers blast through rock bottom, get drilled by Nationals 15-2

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The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut.

MLB: Milwaukee Brewers at Washington Nationals
Everyone in this picture, including the fans, hit home runs today.
Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

I don’t even know what to say. Why are you here? Haven’t you something more pleasant to read? Your own grandmother's obituary, or the fell teachings of the priests of Cthulhu, perhaps. Well, you might as well take a seat. Let’s get this over with.

Chart:

Cool.

PISSING IN THE WIND: Travis Shaw, +.044 WPA (1-for-1, HR, 2 BB)

PISSING IN MY FACE: Michael Blazek, -.334 WPA (2.1 IP, 8 ER, 7 H, 6 HR, 1 BB, 4 K) / Wily Peralta, -.012* WPA (1.2 IP, 7 ER, 8 H, 2 HR, 2 BB, 2 K)

*WPA, being a measure that necessarily incorporates leverage, spared Peralta because he entered a game that was already over. I will not.

Recap:

No.

On Deck:

The Brewers return home for what could be a massive turning point in their surprising 2017 season. A series win for the Good Boys would go a long way toward righting the ship and allaying fan fears of a 2014-style collapse, while a sweep at the hands of the North Siders would likely signal the end of what was an exciting four months of contention. Brent Suter takes the mound on Friday for the Brewers, and he’s been the Brewers’ best pitcher this month, allowing five runs over four starts in place of the injured Chase Anderson. Jose Quintana will be making his third start for Chicago (A/NL), where he’s allowed three runs and struck out 19 over 13 strong innings. First pitch at The Keg is 7:10.