Cyber Goofpal Explains the Brewers' Dugout Bell

Honk, Honk! Because the Brewers are boring this year with all of the winning and playing the bad teams on their schedule, casual fans haven't been paying attention to the team as much as they have in the past. One of the changes that has been instituted to improve overall play has been a bell mounted in the dugout.

They came to me to try to find a motivating tool for the players and I suggested a kazoo, but would they listen, nooooo. The players could keep them in their pockets and play them after they made a good play in the field, or as they rounded the bases on a home run. Just imagine Rowdy kazooing "We Will Rock You" while rounding the bases! That would be fucking awesome!!! The bell just makes me think that someone gave them a nice tip at the bar.

As the Brewers are a Gazillion dollar operation, they didn't get just any bell, no, they got one that says "Happy Hour" on it from Spencer Gifts. As all of their products come with a 6 hour warranty, it should be no surprise that the bell has been broken only 2 or 3 times in one week. Maintenance Supervisor Willy Adames has repaired it though, and it appears good-to-go as long as it is rung "gently".

The big question that everyone is asking is when should the bell be rung? Based on commentary from Jeff Levering here is your answer:

1. After a Home Run

2. After an outstanding defensive play or pitching out of a jam

3. Whenever Jeff sees a "baseball related move" by a Brewers player

The addition of the bell really creates more questions than answers.

  • How long will it be in place? This isn't just another Hank you can euthanize willy-nilly, people will notice when it's gone.
  • How many games before the bell is vested in an MLB pension? There is no precedent for this.
  • Will the bell eventually replace Sophia Minnert? It's kind of in her spot near the end of the dugout, and works cheaply.
  • How long before someone sarcastically rings the bell, say like when Devin Williams gets the second out of an inning on his 45th pitch?
All of these questions will be answered in due time. I look forward to the day that I can show my little Goofpals the plaque of the bell on the Brewers' Walk of Fame.

Yours Honkily,

Cyber Goofpal