Cyber Goofpal Fixes the Brewers

Honk, honk!

As many of you know, the Brewers are on a one-game winning streak. What you might not know though is that they lost the previous 8 games!

As a keen observer of the comments section here, it appears that some posters think the team may need some "tweaks" to get to, and be successful in the post-season. I concur.

Here is what they need to do:

  • Put players in positions to be successful. They moved Yelich to lead-off and it has been great. Other (kind of obvious) things they can do along these lines are:

  1. Move Trevor Kelly from the bullpen to a starting pitcher. He's been terrible as a reliever, so obviously starter is where he'll shine.
  2. Start Keston Hiura at 3rd base. Keston has shown he can play all over the diamond, 1B, 2B, and LF. You know the play where the third baseman gets to a difficult ball, and intentionally bounces it to first because the throw is so long? That play is awesome. With Keston, you will get it EVERY time.
  3. Move Brent Suter to the starting rotation. Same logic as Kelly above. The Raptor has been a starter before, and struggles with men on base. Well, there's nobody on base to start the game, duh!
  • Fire people indiscriminately.
  1. Counsell, gone!; Andy Haines, gone! ; Lane Grindle, gone! This will instill the appropriate amount of fear in their replacements to "do better". I want to give credit here, I stole this idea from Rolafaive.
  • Cut underperforming players
  1. Cain, Suter, Hiura, Wong, McCutchen- Bye bye! We can replace them with cardboard cut-outs in the dugout and start the other players we have. Also got this one from Rolafaive. Guy is an out-of-the-box thinker.
And finally, trade everybody; Hader, Woodruff, Gustave (wait, what?) for whatever. We can't have nice things, and chances are we won't win the World Series this year anyway.

As I'm sure you've figured out, some of this is in jest. I'd never fire Lane Grindle.

Yours Honkily,

Cyber Goofpal